How to Handle Criticisms That Hurt You and Degrade Your Self-Esteem

Hurtful criticisms are like arrows that pierce us just where we’re most vulnerable. If given by people closest to us, they hurt even deeper and echo at the back of our minds long after they’ve been said. What must we do to handle criticisms that hurt us and degrade our self-esteem?

 

1. Understand that not everything that people say against you is really about you. Oftentimes, it is more about themselves.

If you are familiar with the Bible story about Martha and Mary, you may recall how Martha criticized the action of her sister:

 As they went on their way, he entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.  She had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she came up to him, and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister left me to serve alone? Ask her therefore to help me.”

Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,  but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.”–Luke 10:38-42 (WEB)

It wasn’t because Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus that Martha criticized her. It was because Martha was “anxious and troubled about many things”. Martha was afraid she will not be able to meet the expectations of Jesus and the disciples. Martha was also frustrated that even if she is already exerting so much effort in what she’s doing, nobody notices her efforts, not even Jesus! Maybe if Jesus just showed up where she was working and praised her for all she has done, Martha wouldn’t have asked for her sister’s help at all. She would have been satisfied claiming all the credits for herself! But that’s not the way it happened. She received no praise nor reward, and it was Mary who got the attention of Jesus by sitting and listening at his feet!

Imagine however how Mary must have felt when Martha criticized her infront of Jesus and all the disciples. Imagine hearing these words, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister left me to serve alone? Ask her therefore to help me.”  Martha not only demanded that you help her, you have just been reported to Jesus Himself! If you were Mary, some other words might have also echoed at the back of your mind, words like: how lazy and uncaring a sister you’ve been, how worthless and unreliable you are, or even how unworthy you are to even deserve to be in the presence of Jesus.

The truth stands however, as affirmed by Jesus Himself, that Martha’s criticism of Mary is not a reflection of Mary’s deficiencies, but of Martha’s own problems and concerns.

We don't see things as THEY ARE, we see things as WE ARE. - Anais Nin

 

2. Remember that not all people filter out what they say and really mean what they say.

Not everyone is concerned about what they’re saying or even how they’re saying it. Not all people think first before saying something. As a result, they may say things that hurt other people, things they would later on regret or want to take back.

People are also not always concerned about how they may affect the feelings of other people. They think about themselves most of the time and may rarely have you in their agenda.

As such, remember to not always take things personally. People don’t always intend to cause you harm.

"There is one who speaks rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise heals."- Proverbs 12:18 (WEB)

 

3. Learn to forgive others

No matter how people may try to be careful with the words they’re saying, there would come a time when they’d say things that won’t sound pleasant at all, or even hurting to those around them. Nobody’s perfect, nobody’s able to do the right thing all the time. This is where forgiveness should come in. We should remember our human nature and our flaws, and learn how to move on from there.

I arise from the ashes of doubt, of depression and of
self-pity. I arise a new being -
strong, confident, beautiful and without limits!

 4. Learn to identify what’s true and what is not about what is being said

There are some criticisms that could help us improve ourselves and see our blindspots. Our problem is that many of these criticisms contain other remarks that hurt us or are not always true. And because we are hurt, we try to disregard everything that’s been said. We must learn to identify the things that could help us improve ourselves and leave behind those things which have no basis at all.

I am no less of a person by flaws that you see in me;
I am no lesser for I am not those flaws. I know who I am,
my flaws and my strengths,
and there is no better person who can handle me but me.

 

5. Know that even at your worst day, God still accepts you and loves you as you are

There are some criticisms that hurt us because they contain some semblance of truth about our deficiencies and flaws, things we may be ashamed of or things that we’d rather not reveal for fear of not being accepted and loved.

Know that even at your very worst, God still loves you. His mercy and grace is greater than all your mistakes and deficiencies. His love for you is greater than all the weaknesses you see in yourself.

God does not take us only when we are lovable,
but moreso when we are most in need of love.

 

6. Know that you have the power to change and to be the best of who you are

Some criticisms seem to tell us how weak we are, as though we’re going to be like that forever. Remember that this is not true! Know that nobody needs to be stuck in their past forever. We can all move on and do something to steer our lives around for the better.

Have you seen a seed? Was it at all that attractive to you?
Wait awhile and see that seed grow. See it bear fruit,
see its flowers bloom. See? I've caught you by surprise!
I have just astounded you.

 

7. Know that you can discover and change your self-talk

There are some criticisms that trigger more hurtful thoughts within us, deeper wounds that have not yet been healed. The reason why some people seem to over-react to certain criticisms is because they are reacting to a far deeper pain, a pain triggered by the criticism just given.

We can discover these wounds by listening to our self-talk whenever we are being criticized. When somebody points out your mistake or says anything bad against you, what are you really hearing?

• I’m rejected, no one really loves me as I am.
• I’m worthless, no one appreciates the things I can do.
• I am being forced to do something against my will.
• A lot is being demanded of me whereas I couldn’t ask for enough help when I need it.
• I’m unprotected; anyone can just boss me around because no one is there to defend me.

Why are you hearing those words? Is it possible to replace them with other thoughts that are more supportive of your self-esteem?

• Instead of saying you’re rejected , say, “God loves me and accepts me as I am, even at my worst day, even if I did the gravest sins. His love for me is greater than all my weaknesses. He never rejects anyone who comes to Him.”

• Instead of saying you’re worthless, say, “God values me. Jesus died on the cross just to give me eternal life and happiness. “

God loves me, unconditionally. And for me,
He leaves the 99 sheep behind so He can find me
and make me realize just how much I matter,
just how much I am loved.

• Instead of saying, you are being forced to do something, say, “God has given me freewill. Nobody can force me to do anything against my will.”

• Instead of saying, you couldn’t ask for help, say, “Help will come when I need it. I need not always do things on my own, for God’s help is always there for the taking. I only need to receive by faith what is being given me.”

Heaven is knowing deep in your soul how you were
conceived and how you were bathed in loved. It is tapping
unto the endless reserve of mercy and grace when shadows
come looming over you. It is knowing that however great
the challenges ahead seem to be,
there is a Higher Power that will see you through.

• Instead of saying you’re unprotected, say, “God is making me stronger everyday to face the challenges coming my way. Where I am not strong enough, God will be my Defender against all those who want to cause me harm.”

There was a time when I couldn't forgive myself,
that time when the burden of guilt was multiplied a hundred
times more by the world that knew nothing but condemn
those who are already down. But now is not that time,
for it has long come to pass. Now is the time of acceptance,
of love, and of believing in myself despite whatever
accusations others may try to pass against me.

HEAL YOUR SELF ESTEEM

To say that our self-esteem is low is to compare it to something higher.  But to be able to attain that higher degree could only mean that there is still something beyond that.  How high is high enough?  How much increase is really necessary?  In truth, it is not an increase in self esteem that we should aim for, but a complete healing of our wounded sense of self worth.

You Need To Rebuild From The Ground Up

Before we could attain true healing, we must first recognize our wounds. Before we could rebuild our sense of worth, we must first acknowledge how broken it really is.

Where is your self esteem founded? How firm is that foundation from which it is currently built?

Are you confident because you are beautiful? But what if you mingle among others who are more beautiful than you?  And for how long will you stay that way?  What happens when you grow old and that beauty fades?

Are you secure with your success? What if the business or the reputation you’ve built suddenly falls?  What are you worth by then?  For how long could you hold on to your riches?  Can you still enjoy any of it as your body rots in the grave?

All our efforts of increasing our self esteem is futile for in the end, all such efforts lead only to fear, the fear of losing everything we have ever gained.

There Is a Different Way to Heal

The healing of our wounds can no longer depend on the external actions we take such as working harder, eating healthier, or studying longer hours.  The only way to healing is to be healed from within because our wounds are not wounds of the body, but of the soul.

Deep in one’s soul, we feel a great emptiness and uncertainty.  We feel compelled to measure up to the standards of other people while at the same time, not being able to measure up to our own sense of wholeness.

We try to be strong, yet it seems we could never be strong enough.  We even try to be good, but we could never be holy enough.  We are always followed by our sense of shame, and so we hide ourselves with masks of perfection and of beauty.   Beyond that mask however, we feel inadequate, and we feel tired of trying over and over again.

How We Could Achieve Healing

Healing begins when we STOP our frantic efforts to keep up with others.  Healing begins when we are able to face our worst pictures of ourselves and still believe that we are worth something.

What are you worth?

You are worth more than you ever thought yourself to be.  You are worth more than your body or your intelligence or your strength.  You are worth more than your success and your riches.  These things are given you but they are not the essence of who you are.

Your real worth is your likeness to God Himself. It is that spark which came from ancient times, that breath which made you think and move and love.

Because you can be a vessel of God’s joy, you are worth something.  Because you can be an object of His love, you are worth so much more than all the stars combined.

Your worth is not in what you possess, but in Him who possesses you.

Your worth is not in how you can cover up your imperfections, but in how God can make you perfect by receiving all that He could ever give to you.

Only in losing everything can you realize how broken you are.  Only in being broken can you be healed by knowing how valuable you are to the only One who can heal you.

Below are common areas of our self esteem’s woundedness.  Let us try to find their healing by bringing them to the light of God’s love for us.

Common Areas of Our Woundedness

1. Beauty

Even the most beautiful among us will grow old someday.  The beauty that we envy now is but a fleeting joy.  Others are not more worthy to be loved just because they are beautiful.  We become beautiful because of God’s great love for us.

2. Intelligence

Our intellect, no matter how advanced it may be is nothing as compared with the minds of angels.  And angels, no matter how great their wisdom may be is nothing as compared to the depths of God’s wisdom.  God can grant us an insight we could never find in all the books of the world, but this is not the reason why we should feel more worthy or less worthy in His Presence.

3. Strength

We have but a limited time on earth. The healthiest and the strongest among us cannot even live for two centuries.  To base our worth with our physical strength is to look down on people just because they are disabled or sick or dying.  Every man has God’s dignity in him no matter his physical strength.

4. Wealth/Success

The material things we own will someday rot and decay.  Nothing can last forever except God’s love.  Wealth does not indicate that one man is better than the other for we know not where such wealth has come from.  One man may be silently accomplishing God’s will in His life and reaping eternal fruits that have not yet been revealed in the current time.

5. Social Skills

Other people may be better at mingling in social events and in communicating with other people.  They appear attractive, they attract the admiration of many.  But not everyone who is praised is really good.  Many are even criticized for standing up for the truth.   There are people who are not adept at socializing with other men, but in their silent prayers, they can reach God’s Presence, and in this, they can find their joy.

6. Talent

What is talent?  It is but a gift from God, and for this, no one should boast.  Each one is given a unique gift for in truth, we are God’s wonderful gift to each other.  Let each one mind his own and improve the gift he is given.

7. Goodness/ Holiness

Only God is good.  No person is really holy no matter how good he or she appears to be.  If we had no need to be saved from ourselves, Jesus wouldn’t have died for us all.  Let none boast therefore that he is kinder or braver or more patient.  We do not earn God’s love with our goodness.  We become good because God has guided us patiently towards the path of His goodness.  All that we can offer God is our gratitude for all the MERCY that we have been given.

TYPES OF PERSONALITIES

●  TYPE A PERSONALITY
Type A people are seen as more competitive, great achievers and tend to develop a high sense of urgency towards their work. It is because of these traits that they are always busy and remain at the top of their game.

Sometimes, however, they start feeling insecure and subsequently become adamant and resistant to change. They even end up fighting such circumstances rather than embracing or adapting to them.

In order to stride towards the desired goal, they work hard towards achievements and that too, as fast as possible. In doing so, they fight their insecurities rather than ignoring them completely.

Type A people do not relax or take their work for granted; even if they do, they tend to feel guilty for the same.

Type A personalities are over achievers and they deal with various unrelated subjects and perform well in everything.

The problem that these personalities face is that they are stressed frequently due to the number of tasks they undertake. Their expectations of perfection from other people also add to the stress.

These people are highly competitive and possess an aggressive challenging spirit.

Such people are generally ideal for sports, finance and any job that offers ample growth and requires focused efforts. They aren't really cut out for teamwork; they perform best alone.

CHARACTERISTICS OF TYPE 'A' PERSONALITY

Time or Time Urgency
• This is an extremely important part of a Type A personality because their work and activities completely depend on time.
• They hate being late under any circumstances. Traffic signals or any sort of queue irritates them and they consider it a waste of time. Interrupting people is a common trait too.
• They set deadlines and standards for themselves that they need to meet before moving forward.
• They work hard towards achieving any goal put in front of them and will not be told what to do.

Emotions or Free Floating Hostility
• Showing impatience, being rude and aggressive at people are some of the most obvious features.
• Getting upset over small matters and showing anger over trivial matters is also seen.
• Adapting to change is not one of their strongest points. Also, if they are upset or dislike the place or company they are with, the dislike would be clearly visible on their face.

Money
• Money doesn't buy happiness - but in the case of a Type A person, it does. For them, money buys everything including relationships.
• Money signifies power and security and this is how they would like to show it.
• They also make mental notes of everything that is money related - such as on what to spend, how to spend and on how much to spend!

Relationships
Type A people always have a superficial relationship with most others. Work is most important to them. If that is done, then there is no need to interact or be nice to others!
• They have high expectations and demands from most people and thus never seem to get along with them.
• Superiority complex is what makes them stand apart from the rest. They never enjoy any body's company because of this and are always seen shying away from a big crowd and society as such.

Physical Characteristics
Tight lips, clenched jaws and obvious facial tension.
Grinding of teeth and clicking of the tongue
Dark circles under the eyes due to lack of sleep (probably due to stress!)
Sweating on the forehead and upper lip.

Consequences Of Type A Personalities
• Heart diseases
• Hypertension
• Job Stress
• Social Isolation

●   TYPE B PERSONALITY

This type of personality is considered to be just opposite to that of type A.

Though they are not as competitive as type A, type B personalities can be better achievers and do not get stressed easily.

They tend to approach problems with a more relaxed and laid back point of view.

There is a tendency in these personalities to delay work and give results at the eleventh hour. Obviously, procrastination is quite the mantra for type B people while that is one thing that type A subjects cannot even think of.

These personalities are not in a hurry to finish work and do not have a sense of urgency all the time. They work at their own sweet pace and deliver appreciable results too.

Type B people like relaxing and they don't mind taking time off from work to sit idle and/or daydream.

Such people are ideal for marketing, sales and any job that comes with targets and semi-flexible deadlines and involves people interaction.

CHARACTERISTICS OF TYPE 'B PERSONALITY

Stress Handling
The Type B people usually do not get stressed easily even under acute circumstances. They are the happy-go-lucky individuals who do not entertain stress and anxiety while doing their tasks. However, they still prove to be fairly productive. They remain carefree and cheerful most of the times and are fun to hang around with.

Lack Of Urgency
These people do not mind waiting in queues for getting their work done and do not get hyper if it takes too much time. They do not feel any sort of compulsion to meet deadlines. They have got no problems relaxing or sitting without doing anything unlike Type A individuals, who end up feeling guilty if they sat without doing anything constructive. At times, Type B individuals may delay their work to the last moment due to lack of sense of time urgency.

Relaxed
These are the people who remain calm and relaxed most of the times. They believe in taking their time to stop and smell the roses instead of running the mad rat race. They take time to think and ponder before acting. Relaxation, enjoyment and fun come very naturally to them.

Less Competitive
Type B personalities are less competitive and their competitiveness is often productive with good intentions. They generally take their failures with a grain of salt and slough it off as merely an unpleasant experience. On the other hand, Type A individuals who are generally over-achievers, find it very hard to accept failures and end up developing low self-esteem.

Patient
Patience is a virtue and Type Bs are born with it. They remain calm and patient even under stressful situations and have a lot of self-control. They are less likely to get frantic about things and generally swear by the old adage of 'Slow and steady wins the race'. They are also very tolerant and flexible and can change in order to adapt to changes. You would hardly find them complaining or lamenting about anything.

Non-aggressive
These individuals rarely tend to be aggressive or frustrated. Even if there's something against their will, they are not prone to lose their temper. They are more likely to handle the situation very subtly and patiently, without getting irked. They are hence said to have lesser chances of getting any heart diseases or complications caused due to stress.

Socializing And Enjoying
Type B personalities are normally laid back people who hold a relaxed, creative, imaginative, artistic and friendly approach towards life. They spend their free time in leisure activities like socializing, shopping or having a good time. Due to their cheerful nature, these folks are surrounded by friends and lead a good social life.

Emotional Bonding
Their heart rules their head and hence they are very emotional and sensitive. They like expressing their feelings and are generally not indifferent towards others.

●   TYPE 'C' PERSONALITY

People who belong to this category are more interested to know the minute details of everything and don't mind spending time trying to figure them out.

These types of people are more suitable for technical jobs.

They know very well to control their emotions and desire even in cases of extreme discomfort and that makes them ideal for teamwork.

The problem with this type is mostly lack of confidence that leads to stress and even depression. Type C personalities are more prone to depression than the other types.

The people who belong to these personality traits are thoughtful and deep thinkers and seek answers for the questions as to what, why and how.

They are more patient but find trouble expressing their emotions openly and hence, tend to be introverts.

They have an inherent ability to please people around them.

Type C personalities are prone to diseases such as asthma, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.

They are best suited for technical and back end jobs that require high caliber without much interaction.

●   TYPE 'D' PERSONALITY

The 'D' in the type D personality stands for distressed as such people tend to develop a pessimistic and negative outlook towards life.

They fear rejection which is the reason why they tend to deflect social life despite their interest to be among people.

They are sensitive and even a small event that the type B's won't even notice, can trigger a typical type D day.

They can easily suppress their emotions and are very vulnerable and easily depressed.

People with Type D traits are characterized as irritable, gloomy and worrisome. They do not share their emotions with others and this tendency increases their depressing attitude towards life.

They are not very adventurous and prefer the same routine; they are resistant to change and are not very adjustable with people and circumstances.

Such people often suffer from heart related problems and stress and are susceptible to coronary diseases.

These people are generally seen as boring and have very limited social life. 

OVERCOME PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY

Erase The Preconceived Notions
People typically associate the task of public speaking with stress! This is absolutely untrue! Public speaking is only stressful if you allow it to be! Ironically, if you shake off this incorrect belief, public speaking can be a very enjoyable and invigorating experience for you. Try to dig out the hidden cause for your fear, diagnose it and say hello to a new fun hobby! Knock off the fear of public humiliation! You're overreacting! It's purely psychological. Stage fright can be curbed with a smooth build up of self-confidence. The best way to start that process is by facing reality and accepting that public speaking is not as difficult as you once thought!

Capitalize On Three Good Points
Stumble upon three relevant points and you're ready to nail it. In other words, you have good potential to set the stage on fire! Maintain a calm and composed demeanor! You don't have to be the funniest or smartest orator on the planet to receive a round of applause. Even if you make a couple of mistakes, skip a few important portions of your speech and pause for a minute, you haven't necessarily failed! Stop focusing so much on your performance, it's the value of the content effused that matters most. As long as audiences have something valuable to take back home (or with a smile on their faces), you will be remembered positively. Bear in mind that heaps of inconsequential facts does not augment your orator status. Stick to two or three clever points and render your speech interesting and genuine. Stress on one key point if you strongly believe in it. Diminish the number of quick notes and let words flow straight from the heart to the tip of your tongue!
Avoid silly complexities for you will end up boring the crowd.

Prepare But Don't Over-Prepare
Preparation is essential. More importantly, prepare well in advance and not overnight for anxiety will double and the outcome will be messy. Practice does indeed make a man perfect but never overdo it. A speech turns superficial when planned too far ahead. It should be natural! In fact, the more effort you put into it, the worse might be your performance. So, don't over-prepare! Relax and take a deep breath! Just rehearse once and revise the key points along with a few good examples. Memorizing a speech verbatim only ruins the authenticity of a speech and implies that you don't have a firm grasp over the subject. Try not to script the speech! Gain self confidence and you will soon begin to respect the natural public speaker hidden deep down inside of you.

Select A Topic That Interests You
It will make all the difference if you chose a topic that you feel strongly passionate about! You will feel excited to research the topic and make the overall speech as interesting as possible. As you immerse your heart into it, you will notice your phobia slip away. Even when you have no choice but to resort to a lackluster topic, you could make alterations to the technique or approach of speech making. For example, make a colorful PowerPoint presentation or screen a funny video! The surging enthusiasm will tranquilize the goosebumps.

Be Humble, If Not Humorous
While adding a glint of humor to your speech would earn you brownie points, it's not mandatory. It is important to discover your style of speaking and work on improving that. However, it is important to maintain a fine sense of humility throughout your speech. When you stand up in front of the masses, share some of your weaknesses and frailties. This highlights your image as a credible, respectable and lovable speaker. Audiences will be able to connect with you and respect your honesty. If at all, humility isn't your style, don't feign it! The pretense of acting humble is easily detectable and this will trample your image in no time! You could hence make up for it by capitalizing on your good sense of humor! After all, who doesn't enjoy a good hearty laugh! Start with a joke or narrate a bunch of anecdotes, just don't digress from the actual topic.

Don't Let Hecklers Get To You!
Hecklers are all over the place and most of the time, they do a pretty good job at tormenting speech makers! However, it is in your best interest that you master the art of turning a deaf ear to such obstacles or counter-attack their witty statements with a wittier one. This most definitely helps you overcome all fears. But if you are still battling with glossophobia, then you should try your best and ignore those silly sadists or respond with an "I really appreciate your comment".

Visualize Success
Elite athletes rely on the technique of visualization to enhance their athletic performance. Every time you rehearse your speech, visualize your audience being amazed by your oratory skills! It is best to believe in yourself and that you are conveying solution for a very strong ground-breaking problem. Hence, your audiences ought to be impressed. Hear the cacophony of thousand claps and "wows" every time you emphasize on the last sentence of your speech! Boost your confidence!

NERVES: CALM IT DOWN WITH THESE SIMPLE TIPS

Every time you feel your nerves are about to mess it all up, just stop thinking at that very moment and concentrate solely on breathing. Inhale deep breaths and exhale even slowly. Feel the nerves calm down inside you! The good old way of counting to ten; old because it has been used since ages and good because, obviously it works wonders. Whenever you feel the nervous energy building up inside you, just count to ten and watch it give way to loving calmness.

Ever heard of laughter yoga? It combines intentionally induced laughter (genuine laughter) and yogic breathing into one fun activity from where there's no getting out. No better way to release the tension. Meditating in the name of whoever you believe in is a good way of bringing in positivity, giving the hopped up nerves a much-needed break. You can also recite your favorite verses from the scripture that infuses you with a mental boost.

For a change, try wearing a smile on your face instead of a frown. You'll not only see but feel the change around you and eventually inside you. Keep yourself in the vicinity of cute little smile inducing one liners or figures. Grab a pen, grab a diary, grab hold of your thoughts, and now pour them all out. It's the best way of releasing the built up emotions, thus releasing the nervousness that had held you captive to your own self.

Change your environment every now and then by shifting out of everything that's been creating a chaos inside your mind and moving to a serene environment where you can put your thoughts to rest and can rejuvenate your tensed up senses. Use positive affirmations. It's a wonderful little way of inducing positivity into your system by reciting short little positive statements about your strengths and aspirations. By doing so, you'll eventually start to visualize yourself in positive situations devoid of any negative nerves.

Include fresh vegetables, fruits, and drinks into your diet instead of packaged food and unhealthy aerated drinks or caffeine-laded drinks. Regular indulgence in recreation activities like exercising, walking, jogging, swimming, or cycling will definitely open the exit route for your nerves. Most importantly, let go off that �trying to be in control� kind of attitude and take things the way they come. Life's all about the journey and not about the destination. Enjoy the panoramic view till you reach your destination

THE GIFT OF WHO YOU ARE!

     We sometimes have a tendency to forget ourselves and to set aside our needs in order to care for other people. This is not bad! But we must remember that the most important gift we could ever give to the world is to be the best of who we are.
It’s our very presence that should stir joy and inspiration in their hearts, not merely the things that we do.

     Think about our relationship with God. God gives us many things – food to eat, clothes to wear, friends to talk to, activities to enjoy, dreams to achieve, missions to accomplish. But though these things be good and many, not one of them could ever compare to the Giver of them all. Even if we could have His gifts, our happiness wouldn’t be complete without His Very Presence, the Gift of Himself.

     We don’t seek God in order to have the world, we seek God because if we have Him, we wouldn’t need anything more!
To Look Using God's Own Eyes I pray I could learn to look at people, the way God sees each one of us - to be able to forego the little mistakes, maybe even the big ones to be able to see weaknesses turned into strength to know something’s hurting and yet know that the hurt would be healed in time to look beyond judgment to see with an understanding heart to see what’s beautiful to appreciate what’s good to not measure anybody’s destiny with their present plight but to see real hope for everyone the way God sees us
To know that orphans have their Father
To know that those imprisoned have One who will set them free
To see how the poor will one day bask in God’s abundance
To see the broken-hearted in days when God Himself will cradle them upon His lap
To be able to see with God’s own eyes is to see with gladness, with hope, and with a love so strong it could never ever fail!

I urge you to know who you really are; in your eyes, in your heart.
Know thyself, especially your strengths.
Know that which is beautiful.
Know that which is loveable.
Know that which has made you the unique and wonderful person that you are!

CONCENTRATION

Pick a valid subject of concentration. If there is no passion or plausible motivation, then your task of concentrating is going to be one hell of a challenge! Remember how you used to do the laundry or mow the lawn so half heartedly and the outcome was a disaster? Analogously, you cannot ace your mathematics test if you resent it and hence if you fail to concentrate, you will also fail the test!

The Five More Rule is a technique that has certainly helped many individuals who invariably fall short of concentration. You set a target to finish a fixed amount of work or studying. However, ten minutes later, you are already tempted to step out for a smoke or check the football game score.

Block all lures and enticements to immerse your heart and mind into achieving your goals. Solve five more math problems or dedicate five more minutes to a chapter of history, or else face guilt when you indulge in play. To your delight, five minutes is all it takes to engross you to such an extent that you forfeit your break! Stretch your attention span and build mental endurance!

If you are convinced you have the world's lowest attention span, here's an interesting exercise. Walk into a movie theater and catch up on a random gripping action or drama film. Thirty minutes into the movie, shift your gaze from the screen and look around. What do you see? Probably a hundred riveted faces. If you stare long enough, you will notice how rarely they blink. Only a false alarm of a fire breakout could distract them! Observe the audiences and learn the art of concentration as they stay still scene after scene.

To encourage your strong desire to maintain concentration, eliminate stumbling blocks such as multi-tasking, blaring radios or TV sets and flashing multi-colored lights. No doubt that our human nervous system is fantastic beyond words. However, we should not expect too much from it! Hence, stick to one task at a time! It will be greatly challenging to assimilate intense facts on quantum physics while catching the latest episode of �The Simpsons', munching on a packet of crunchy chips and getting a foot massage! Build strong concentration abilities as you exercise all of your brain power in solely one task!

Mediation might help you gather your thoughts methodically. Watch your breathing; calm it down along with your brain. Soon enough you will automatically shift to an alternative state of mind which is peaceful and creatively receptive.

Set aside multi-tasking, multi-thinking can do equal damage! Channel your thoughts in one direction. If you have promised to study for an hour, try not to think of �Oh what could Marsha be doing right now� or �Is he cheating on me?� or �What do I eat for dinner!� Focus on the present! Life is a ticking time bomb and if you don't handle the undertakings purposefully, your future will explode in your face. Take breaks, get some air and calm down.
• Don't let the nerves get on to you.
• Concentration and energy co-exist in your conscious or subconscious mind.
• Don't be a scatter brain.
• Just maintain a calm demeanor while concentrating completely in meeting your      targets.

Defeat every lurking urge to procrastinate your responsibilities. Yes, preparing for an exam or finishing all your corporate deadlines might not be a bed of roses. Wake up! Life is difficult. And if you procrastinate, you will only be rewarded with an endless list of regrets. You might wonder- �How can I resist the Oprah Winfrey show tonight!' What if it doesn't repeat? News Flash - This second or minute or hour of your life is never going to return and if you make the most of it, you might be sitting on Oprah Winfrey's couch one day!

It's amazing how our brains operate in such bedazzling ways. For instance, we drive down the road while talking or fiddling with radio or engaging in soliloquies. It's dangerous but most of us do it. How do we handle all the 101 thoughts and distraction from impeding our concentration abilities? Try cupping your hands around your eyes to block sight of everything unrelated to your current priority. Referred to as tunnel visio

ARGUMENT IS BAD; WAYS NOT TO ARGUE

Enhance your listening skills. It will make you less defensive and allow you to analyze the statement of other person deeply. You should listen to the other person with patience and give a logical approach to the same. Let the other person complete what he/she wants to say. Once he/she is done, give your feedback. This would allow both of you to lay forward your view point. However, make sure that whatever is said is logical and pertains to the present situation.

Never think that you are always right. If people have been correcting you time and again, know that there is some problem which lies inside you. Accept that you have a problem of arguing on small issues and work on it to exclude the same from your behavior. Accepting your weakness will strengthen your relationship. Also, ask them to help you come out of the problem.

Inculcate understanding in yourself. Instead of thinking about your own issues, try to understand the other person's views, feelings, state of mind, etc. This will help you to talk calmly and make the relationship a strong one. After understanding the other person, your approach will not be illogical or defensive. The feedback will be based on the feelings of both the people and not only yours.

Introspect yourself and increase your self control power. Also, be aware of the place and people around before heading towards an argument. A couple must never involve in the argument in front of their children. It may have a bad impact on them. Respect each other to share great relationship. Similarly, indulging in a heated argument in a public place such as a mall or cinema hall would make people think of you as uncivilized.

Be positive in your thinking. It will exclude negativity from inside and you will have a healthy approach towards any issue. If you have positive nature, you will never get involved in any kind of argument.

Do not make excuses and be truthful. Improve yourself rather than giving explanation all the time.

REQUIREMENTS TOWARDS DEVELOPMENT OF PERSONALITY

The following are the major requirements towards the development of personality

♤ Kindness
♤ Cleanliness of Both mind and body
♤ Unselfishness
♤ Good Disposition
♤ Obedience to Ideals and Principles
♤ Honesty in all Things
♤ Truthfulness
♤ Loyalty
♤ Good Health

OVERCOME WORRY, BE HAPPY AND GROW STRONG

Analyze worry

▪Get all the facts.
▪Weigh all the fats-then come to a decision.
▪Once a decision is reached, act.
》》Write the answers of the following questions.
        a) What is the problem?
        b) What are the causes of the problem?
        c) What are the possible solutions?

Overcome worry

▪Live in day-tight compartments.
》》Face the trouble the following ways.
       a) Ask yourself what is the worst that can possibly happen?
       b) Prepare mentally to accept the worst.
       c) Try to improve on the worst.
▪Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.
▪Apply the law of averages in your favour.
▪Break the worry habit Keep busy.
▪Don't fuss about trifles.
▪Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries.
▪Co-operate with the inevitable.
▪Decide just how much anxiety a thing Don't worry about the past.

Ways to Peace and Happiness

▪Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, hope and prayer.
▪Never try to get even with your enemies.
▪Expect ingratitude.
▪Count your blessings-not your troubles.
▪Do not imitate others.
▪Try to profit from your losses.
▪Create happiness for others.

Ways to face criticism and grow strong

▪Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.
▪Do the very best you can.
▪Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.
▪Learn to relax at your work.
》》Apply the following four good working habits.
       a) Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate
            problem at hand.
       b) Do things in order of their importance.

MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

♡ Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

♡ Give honest, sincere appreciation.

♡ Arouse in the other person an eager want.

♡ Become genuinely interested in other people.

♡ Smile.

♡ Remember that a man’s name is to him the most important sound in any language.

♡ Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves.

♡ Talk in terms of the other mans interest.

♡ Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOUR WAY

** Show respect for the others persons opinions.

** Never tell a man he is wrong.

** The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

** If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.

** Begin in a friendly way.

** Get the other person saying Yes, yes immediately.

** Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

** Let the other person feel that the idea is his.

** Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

** Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

** Appeal to nobler motives.

** Dramatize your ideas.

** Throw down a challenge

HOW TO BRING PEOPLE AROUND YOU

》Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
》Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.
》Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
》Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
》Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Let the other man save his face.
》Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
》Use encouragement.
》Make the fault seem easy to correct.
》Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF

Accept Your Personality

Your life has not ended yet. You still have plenty of years to live. Hence, it's never too late to improve or develop yourself throughout your life. However, it is best if you accept yourself for whom you are. Be happy and celebrate your unique qualities and characteristics. After all, you are a unique individual created from God's own hands.

Be Happy With Your Body Size

Both men and women are often too conscious about their physical appearance, especially when they see a well-toned and figured person crossing their way. In case of women, some feel that their breasts are just too small, while there are others who feel they have heavy butt. Men, on the other hand, feel inferior to those who are well built or have a great muscular body. For all such gentlemen and ladies, remember that we are not produced from a single factory. Each one of us is different; hence, it is better if you accept, or rather love, your physical appearance.

Built Confidence

No person is born with natural confidence. It is the upbringing and your surroundings that help you develop poise and self-confidence. Children who are taught to become self independent from an early age have greater level of confidence than those who look up to their parents for every knick and knack. Start revealing a positive attitude and a feeling of self assurance and see how confidence comes natural to you in no time.

Find Out Your Good Qualities And Achievements

Looking out for some good qualities in yourself? Were you not able to find any? Does that make you hate yourself further? Why? Aren't you a homosapien? Just like every person has some negative attributes, so does he have positive characteristics as well. It is good to criticize your self but then do not be over critical. Accept your flaws and try to come over them. As for your positives, just keep on bettering them and who knows you might be able to love yourself all the more.

Stop Regretting On Your Mistakes

So, you have committed a mistake? So what? It's just a mistake. No one is going to beat or punish you to death. Making mistakes is natural to any human being. So stop beating or cursing yourself over and over again. Instead, sit down and analyze your mistakes. Take positive lessons from them and find out what different you can do next time to avoid these stupid and silly errors. Forget the past and plan the future.

Don't Let Others Dominate You

Sad but true, often people treat you like a doormat simply because you allow them to do so. It's your life and no one has the right to control or rule it, except you. So stop being too kind and generous when a friend constantly borrows money from you with no promises of repaying it back. Stand up and dump that guy who calls and looks up to you only for sex and nothing else. Remember, do not let anyone treat you badly because you deserve better than being only used or criticized.

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Every man who wants to develop his personality also wants to become popular. Man's life is a burden without popularity. If we leave aside certain action, there is not much difference between a man and an animal. Everybody can be popular if he/you takes care of these few things enlisted personality development tips-

1. If you want to progress in life than honestly analyze the traits of your character.

2. Do not laugh at people when they are in difficulty or trouble other wise you will loose your personality in a moment.

3. This is a great way to develop your personality by listening everyone politely, even if their ideas are baseless or not of your interest.

4. During conversation do not keep talking yourself too much.

5. When ever somebody brings any gift for you, don't forget to praise it. It does not matter even if you were expecting something else.

6. Make other feel that you love them.

7. Keep your moral high in case of defeat and be more polite on being victorious.

8. Solve your problems in a creative way. Try your best not to let these spoil your relations with your friends.

9. Enlist your bad habits and try to get rid of them.

10. We should not uplift our standard of living but also help others to do so. Try to remove the feeling of inferiority in others by loving them and by keeping good behavior towards them.

11. Be careful of what your say about others because others will say the same thing about us at different times and at different places and in this way form a public opinion about us.

12. Some people often have a favorite sentence which they repeat frequently. We should try and get rid and get rid of such a habit.

13. Independence increases our good qualities and slavery bad qualities.

14. Independent thinking and freedom to work is the only source of progress and welfare.

15. Love is the greatest magic in this world.

16. Positive attitude is of great importance in our personality. No body like people who have narrowed out look. In life only that person is considered well behaved who has positive and healthy bend of mind.

17. The real beauty of man lies not in his physical appearance but in his work and good qualities. That is why it is important that we improve mental outlook to develop our personality.

18. Every individual should develop the ability to adjust with others, because basically man is a social animal, so one can not survive by living alone.

19. Some people keep repeating a particular statement and it becomes a part of their nature. At the most you may repeat a statement twice but it you do it more than that it leaves a bad impact

SELF IMPROVEMENT IDEAS

•  Meditation gives you that inner peace like nothing else can. Initially, it is a little hard to concentrate and there will be plenty of distractions. Let these distractions be a part of the learning process. After some time, you will notice that all negativity will be removed and you become happier.

•  Sleep gives you a sense of calm and freshness when you wake up. But, try a reverse approach. Wake up about 30minutes earlier than normal and see how many more things you can do. Extra time gives you that extra edge to better yourself.

•   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown! So you know what you should be doing. Smiles make such a big difference, and when someone around you is happy, it sends out positive vibes. Accept compliments with a smile and thank people for them. Be kind to yourself and everyone will do the same.

•   Principles are important in a school, college, at work and at home. They are equally important in you. Principles must be set in a realistic way. It can be as simple as not wasting food or as complex as saving paper. Rules are not meant to be broken. So if you keep your principles on, you've obviously becoming a better person.

•  Have complaints about everything? Stop this. It is an extremely irritating habit. Stay around people who don't give you a chance to give in to complaints, distract yourself and send out good signals which will increase your people power.

•   Find a mentor or a role model who you'd like to be like. You don't have to become this person mentally and physically, you could implement their way of life into yours. Setting goals is what differentiates a person with good behavioral and mental skills compared to one that has no aim in life.

•   Remove unwanted people and things from your life. You are better without them. Go to your room, remove all unwanted letters, posters and make more space for new things. If someone has been bothering you, cut him/her from your life for a while. Lay low till you think you can deal with them.

•   It's about how you feel. Now, you will have a clear and creative mind for the new things to come. Television is for the utterly bored! It is junk for the mind and body. If you feel like you need entertainment desperately, then watch something educative for about 30 minutes or so but don't drown in the idiot box.

DEVELOP YOUR PERSONALITY

Each person is unique:

Remember that each individual is different and has his or her unique characteristics and qualities. Comparing yourself with others around only increases the distress, especially when you start focusing on where you are lacking compared to others. It is important that you channelize your energy towards your positive traits.

Do not get swayed by media portrayals:

Media portrays people in its own idiosyncratic ways. It does not mean what or how you should be. Personality matters, not looks alone: It is not just looks that are important and that define who you are. Personality defines who you are and how you respond in various situations. It is essential to focus on the personality, which matters the most. Learn social skills: Just looking good will never be sufficient to take you forward in life or help you in your relationships with people. Instead, hone your social skills. The more success one has in social spheres of life, the better you would feel about yourself.

Have a healthy lifestyle:

Life is a balancing act. Learning to balance different aspects of life is integral to a wholesome life. Have a good, balanced diet and exercise. Do not avoid social interactions: Just because you feel you aren't good-looking, do not avoid meeting people. The more you shun social interaction, the worse you would feel about yourself. Know your positives: If every individual has his or her limitations, then he or she also has positives. These positive are what you need to concentrate on. Know your strengths. Acknowledge them and work with them.

Get healthy peer support:

Peers are an important part of your support system. Having peers who are supportive can contribute to our understanding of situations, giving alternative perspectives. Talk to parents and friends: The difficulties you might face in evaluating yourself in a positive light can be taken care of by talking to family and friends.

Develop media literacy skills:

Learn to see messages in the media in a dispassionate manner. Try and develop this skill so that you are able to integrate what the media shows in a realistic manner. Everyone has their notion of how people should look and dress, etc... All these diverse perceptions can lead individuals to believe that they need to be a particular way, and if not, then it implies something negative about them. This can frequently affect one's moods and behaviour.

Know Yourself:

The first step on your quest to develop your personality is to know yourself. It is very important to know yourself in order to figure out what needs to be done to modify your existing personality. Knowing yourself is not about knowing your favorite color, food and etc. It is about knowing your limitations and plus points. You must be aware of your abilities so that you can use them when the time comes. You need to analyze yourself and find out what is it that you lacking in. Are you short tempered or do you panic easily or is that you can't speak in a group. Find out and then accordingly we can work on your personality.

Comparison:

You need to accept one thing that you cannot be best at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. You are different from others; you have your own set of talents and abilities. Just because there is someone around who is great at a think you are not good at does not mean he is better than you. There will be things that he cannot do but you can. No one is perfect in this world. So never compare yourself to others. It does more harm than good. Love yourself and you will definitely achieve a better personality.

Courteous:

Personality as I said is not just about how you look. It is how you present yourself. It is how you impress others. An expressionless and monotonous tone will get you nowhere. You need to have an attitude that is pleasing so that you are welcomed wherever you go. Be courteous and humble. Greet your juniors with a smile and reply back to their greetings. At times have lunch together or offer your lunch to them. Be available for your people and you will become dependable for them. This is a remarkable trait for your personality. Mannerism weighs a lot in the professional world.

Body Language:

Having a personality takes into account everything. Not just the way you dress up and talk but also your body language. How you walk, sit, eat, how you behave when others are talking etc make a huge impact on others. Your body language is therefore a very important is very aspect of your personality. Have a relaxed posture. Walk upright do not droop or be extra rigid. When others in a group are talking have a relaxed tone. Do not get involved with the surroundings but pay attention to the speaker. If he is talking to you have a calm eye contact and not staring or distracted. Have a good body language that shows that you are confident.

Physique:

The easiest way to achieve a good personality is to have a good physique. It cannot be denied that a good physique is very important. It is a very important part of your personality. Your physique not only sets an impression but it speaks a lot about you. A good physique says that you are a well planned person. You think about yourself and about your health. It also gives a perception that you are away from bad habits and company. It really says a lot about you. So start exercising and stay fit to develop your personality.

Speech:

A very vital part of any personality development program is to help you speak better. By speaking better I do not mean using big words and giving speeches. The words you use are very important. Have a decent and simple manner of speaking. Use a language that is understood by all. Now a day's English has the top priority. If you do not have grips over this language enroll yourself with some coaching class. When you speak in a group see to it that your words are not offending or agitating. When to speak is more important than what to speak. So take care of your speech as much as you can.

Appreciate:

A great personality knows how to impress and make an impact. In the professional world where you work or stay in a group; to be accepted by others is very important. All the pain of building a personality is to be accepted so that we can move on and work in a better way. Develop a habit of appreciating your mates no matter how small the work is. Although take care that you are not being fake. Appreciating others makes you a very friendly person. You also motivate your mates and that makes you a better employee as well. Thus a simple habit of appreciating helps you develop your personality by making you a little selfless.

Attire:

Yes personality is not all about dressing up but the way you dress does have an impact on your personality. So even if not the most important you attire is definitely one of the most important aspect of your personality. Dress up in a decent manner. Be professional and avoid flashy colors. Avoid unnecessary piercing on your body or tattoos. Wear neatly ironed and unstained clothes. Look pro essional or according to the environment of your working place. It is very important to develop your personality to have a great sense of dressing.

Confidence:

I will definitely say that this is the most important thing to be achieved to obtain a better personality. You have to be confident with whatever you do. Your confidence says that you know about your work and you are well aware of your abilities. If you shy of speaking in public then you have to start speaking as having confidence is very important. Believe in yourself and to help you build confidence read success stories of other people. Have motivational slogans and pictures on your board etc to help you boot your confidence.

OVERCOME YOUR FEAR

Understand Your Fear

Try to understand why you fear or what causes you to fear. Only when you have identified the source of your fear can you start on the process of overcoming it. You can start by listing all your fears on your notepad and then striking them off once you have overcome them.

Breathe Deep

Taking deep breaths when you are scared or worried helps you relax to a great extent. Make sure that you exhale longer than you inhale. Fear will automatically reduce since you will also calm down. This can also help you to think things out effectively. Breathing exercises can be practiced during meditation.

Chalk Out A Plan & Be Positive

Always have a plan for situations which may not bring you certain results. For instance, you may be afraid to attend an interview in fear of being rejected. You may also fear a date for similar reasons or may feel scared about losing your job as you do not know how life will be after that. But in all these situations, you can chalk out a plan beforehand, a plan which will bring you favorable results and thus kill all fears. Though plans do not work always, a positive attitude always does, therefore think positive in every walk of life.

Confront Your Fears

Many people are scared of something specific, like being in the dark or driving or swimming. If you too fall in the same category, make it a point to learn the thing that you fear doing. Even if you fail once or twice, don't give up on your hope and practice hard to overcome your fear. Switch off the lights when you are alone in a room and see what happens. You can be assured that nothing is going to attack you! Once when you have confronted your fear by actually performing the same thing that you fear, you will successfully kill your fear.

Boost Up Confidence

Sometimes, fear is the result of extreme low belief in oneself and low confidence. Practice exercises which help to boost self confidence. For example, you can stand in front of the mirror and pretend to speak to a stranger, so that you do not have to fear mingling with a new group of people the next time you come across one. This exercise can also help you overcome stage fright.

Seek Medical Help

If nothing seems to be working for you and you still feel intermittently scared, there is no harm in seeking medical help, for who knows, after a couple of sessions, you might actually be able to ward off your fear. Nowadays, there are psychiatrists who help people to overcome their fear and shortcomings. However, resort to this, only when all the above have failed

HOW TO BE CHARISMATIC

Relax Your Way To The Top

If you are looking to be charismatic, then the first and foremost thing that you have to do is to actually learn to relax. Some people try too hard to be charismatic, but only end up making a fool of themselves. This is not something that you would want to do. So, in order to work on your charisma, learn from the mistakes of others and relax. When you master the art of relaxing in a social setting, you automatically exude charisma. It's a known fact that people love to be around people who are calm and composed. Learn to channelize peace and tranquility to everyone you know and meet. This will help you seem extremely calm and a lot more attractive. With a personality of this sort, apart from wanting to be with you, people may even aspire to be like you. Confidence Concerns While being confident can be easily mistaken for being charismatic, there is a very distinct difference between being confident and being charismatic. Charisma is that quality that makes you seem like you have an extremely attractive personality, and confidence is that quality that adds to your charisma. Appearing confident can make you seem extremely charismatic, because your confidence apart from acting like a magnet will also help put the others around you at ease and create in them a desire to be around you. Here, however, you will have to take a lot of care to stay away from going overboard, because while confidence is one thing, overconfidence is a different thing altogether and it's that one quality that no one can really be fond of.

Dish Out Attention

In order to seem charismatic, it is important to listen and pay attention. When you manage to do this your charisma quotient automatically reaches new heights. You can pull off attention tactics by simply listening to what people have to tell you and talk as less as possible. However, when you actually do talk, make sure you talk sense and make sure the words that are coming out of your mouth are the kind of words that the other person would want to listen to. Make it a point to smile while you are talking. This will help add quite a lot of appeal to your personality.

Be Considerate

You are truly a considerate person when you treat others around you just the way you would want to be treated. You wouldn't want to be discriminated against under any grounds, so then there is no reason why you should treat one person differently from the other. Exercise this behavior pattern in your day-to-day life and watch how people are attracted to you like bees are to honey.

HOW TO BE CALM

Breathe Deeply

Though it is an old and repeated technique, nevertheless it really works well. Comfort yourself in a relaxing position and take a deep breath. Hold your breath and start releasing slowly. As your breath leaves you, assume as though you are breathing out fire. To feel the fire exiting from within you, place your hand underneath your nose.

Exercise

Exercising is, indeed, the best technique for calming down. Move out and indulge yourself into vigorous aerobic exercises for a longer duration than normal to release the pain and anger within you. Also, you can take up running as all it matters is finishing the run rather than worrying about the reasons for your stress. Push yourself against the barbell or the fitness equipment. This would help your mind to focus on nothing else, but finishing the exercise.

Close Your Eyes Gently

close your eyes and retreat from the present world going deeper and deeper. Let those drops moisten your eyelids helping you regain your equilibrium. You will gradually get back your balance and proper focus.

Move Outdoors

Whenever you are in an agitated mood, give yourself an hour to indulge into the beauty of the nature. Whether you are angry, opinionated, cynical or uptight, you will soon return home as a relaxed person. Engage yourself into some activities, say walking, biking, running or swimming, in order to clam yourself down.

Find Your Way To Water

All you guys, who had assumed water to be only a thirst quencher, think again! The various healing and mood effects of water can do wonders to calm you quickly. So, the next time whenever you are over aroused, drink a big glass of water every hour. Besides, you can take a walk along the water, take a look at it or listen to it. If possible, throw yourself into it by going for a bath or swim.

Step Back

Take a step back and observe the world that you are living in. Lift your head up and look at the stars in the sky. Realize the number of stars filled with many planets just like one of ours. Compare your problem with one of those twinkling stars? Probably, it is just a fight between two ants. In the event of so many serious problems, yours would not seem as a big deal. All it requires is some framing of things and events here and there. And voila! You'll have the solution to your problem in a few moments.

HOW TO ACHIEVE GOALS!!!

Set Goals

First list down all the goals that you want to accomplish. If you are not sure what you want in life, you are just bound to receive the unexpected. Nevertheless, bear in mind that goals should always be sensible and should be accomplishable. Setting unrealistic goals are of no use. Write the most important goals at the top of the list and number them accordingly. This will help you to focus more precisely. You can strike off each goal once it is accomplished. Writing down your goals will also help you to realize your priorities.

Develop Strategies To Achieve Goals

Once you have listed your goals, you need to evaluate and develop strategies to complete your goals. For example, if your goal is to shed some extra pounds, your broad strategy should be dieting and exercises. Nothing can be achieved straightforwardly in life. So, you need a particular strategy and dedication to pull off your goals.

Have Definite Action Plans

Once your broad line of attack is determined, work on your definite action plans. For instance, if dieting and exercising are your broad strategies to your weight loss goal, then your action plan should consist of a healthy diet chart; a healthy way of life, and an appropriate workout routine.

Believe In Yourself

If you want to accomplish your goals and become successful in life, you have to believe in yourself. All successful men and women today are doing well because they believed in themselves and were confident about their capabilities. If you believe in yourself, then you can accomplish the goals you have set for yourself.

Review Your Progress

Make sure you are making progress. Review your progress every week to analyze how far you have reached in accomplishing your goals. If you find you are lagging behind, hire a coach, look for help from family and friends, and above all, try to recognize why your goal is not being met. Find a solution to accomplish your goal.

Be Self Motivated

Self motivation is a must to achieve goals and success in life. Motivational books and CDs are great ways to keep you motivated and will help you to stay focused towards your goals. The more self motivated you are, the easier it is to work towards your objectives.

HOW TO BECOME SMARTER

Exercise Your Brain

Just like you workout to build and strengthen your muscles, your brain, too, requires proper exercises to sharpen itself. Often, it is assumed to be a useless body part, but this is not true. As such, whenever you are engaging yourself in some activities, you are exercising your brain. Consider practicing activities, such as puzzles, crafts, reading, painting, gardening, and other recreational activities that will refresh and rejuvenate you and your mind, in particular.

Read Quality Books

Most of us love reading. But we often end up reading fiction, suspense, or romantic books. However, these books do not mentally stimulate us. So, if you really want to improve your thinking and writing skills, pick up books that force you to really focus. Read a classic novel that changes your perspective towards this world and exposes you to precise, elegant English. Do not feel shy to pick up new words and find their meanings. This, in turn, will make you smarter with a more comprehensive vocabulary. Make reading fun as well as useful.

Avoid The Idiot Box

What do we do after a long tiring working day? Pick up a bag of chips and a can of cola only to land up in front of the television. Though there is no problem with refreshing yourself while watching a reality or a talk show, it doesn't really put your mental capacity into use. Further, watching television continuously does not relax you, instead, it exhausts you. Hence, pick up a book or magazine when you want to relax. Or, switch off the idiot box when you have friends or acquaintances around and indulge in a conversation instead.

Learn A Foreign Language

Researches indicate that learning an unknown foreign language boosts brain power. Quite smart, indeed, right! Learning and understanding the foreign culture through the language induces your brain to implement its muscles.

Identify Your Qualities

All of us have had our share of several idols and dream jobs during childhood. A scientist, a social worker, an airhostess, a 40-wheel lorry driver, an astronaut, or even a rock star! But, in reality, how many of us are really able to convert our childhood dreams into a reality? Probably, just one out of hundred. That's because to move onto their paths, we need to understand the values, commitment, and endless efforts to meet the requirements and achieve our goals. However, this should not be mixed with our idols. For if we try to imitate our idols, we will only land up making a fool out of ourselves and not creating a niche amongst the rest. Hence, it is important to identify your qualities and be yourself rather than being others.

Do you know making an impression on a lady for her to fall for you is not as easy as it seems? It takes a lot of confidence and know-how to execute it successfully.

For some people, it’s a herculean task while for others, it’s a very normal everyday act.Whichever category you fall in, there are things you can do to impress a woman and have her fall in love with you. It’s just about knowing what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

Below are some tips on impressing that any woman.

1. Look And Feel Great
There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who looks and feels great. Your confidence goes through the roof once you look and feel great and trust me, the woman you’re interested in will see.Take time to groom yourself. Eat healthy, exercise, use nice colognes, make sure your clothes are on point and get your hair neatly done. These are all little things that go through the eyes of a woman and runs straight to her heart.

2. Use Every Opportunity To Showcase Your Abilities
We are all different people and we like and lovedifferent things. You might not know what your woman of interest likes, therefore, it’s important that you cease every opportunity to showcase your abilities when you’re with her. If you’re a good singer, invite her out to a karaoke bar and sing for her or sing some songs for her whiles she’s with you. If you are into sports, invite her to watch you play sometime. This is the way to make sure she knows your talent and if she finds it attractive.

3. Be Confident
I believe you’ve heard this several times. The reason your friend or that guy gets to chat and hang with all those high-class ladies is because he’s confident. There’s nothing more that puts women off than a timid man. You can’t win the heart of any lady by showing fear. Before approaching her, know exactly what you want to talk about, walk upright with your shoulders straight and offer a firm handshake. Let every word from your mouth exude confidence. Don’t stutter and don’t mince words.

4. Compliment Her
This is a bit tricky because too much of it will get you an opposite result from what you set out to obtain. When you meet her, compliment her on her looks and be sincere about it. If it’s her hair that you like, let her know. If it’s her shoe or herbracelet, focus on that and tell her so. Being general about your compliment will not do you any good so be specific so she sees that you’re totally focused on her and can notice little details about her look.If this is a woman you see quite often, then be meticulous about it. Don’t see her each time and compliment her, she’ll feel you’re not being sincere and she’ll begin to shun your company.

5. Surprise Her
Women love surprises and they feel attracted to a man who surprises them. You don’t need an expensive gift to surprise her and make an impression. Send her lunch at work, buy her cake, chocolate, perfume, bracelet etc. Nothing out of the ordinary, just everyday stuff and seehow she’ll appreciate it. Imagine sending her lunch one afternoon and catching her at a time when she’s really hungry but hasn’t been able to go out to eat. She’ll love and appreciate it.

6. Have A Sense Of Humor
Anybody who doesn’t laugh isn’t human. We all love to laugh and we love those who make us laugh. Women are happy-go people, they alwayswant to laugh and have fun therefore if you can give her that happiness and joy each time she finds herself with you, then you’re guaranteed a spot in her heart. This alone wouldn’t make her fall in love with you though but this added to your other qualities, will draw her to you like a magnet. Make her have a good laugh.

7. Be Honest
Don’t tell her you live in Trassaco or Regimanuel.Don’t borrow clothes or cars to impress her. Sit down and ask yourself, what happens when we start dating and she finds out I don’t own any of those? No matter what you do, make sure you’re open and honest with her. Women love honest people.

For men, the real hustle comes when you meet someone you do not know from Adam and you get attracted immediately. The task of going over to start a conversation becomes a real headache.

Below are tips you’ll need to approach a total female stranger.

1. Steal Glances At Her
Where ever you’re standing or sitting, make sure you have eye contact with her. Occasionally, glance over at her but don’t keep it locked, look away as soon as she notices you.You’re trying to catch her attention but you also want feedback before you move in for the kill and this is a perfect strategy. This gesture will arouse her curiosity and she’ll be forced to steal glances at you just to see if you’re still looking at her.

2. Look And Lock
So now you have her attention and she’s occasionally stealing glances at you, this is the perfect opportunity to lock that gaze in a couple of seconds. The move is to create sexual chemistry between you two before you move over so don’t look for too long, else you’ll end up making her nervous and this will not work in yourfavour. The trick is to make her more curious about you.

3.  Make Her Know That She’s On Your Mind
I know you’re asking, how? Ok, relax and listen, women enjoy attention and are flattered by it therefore, once you successfully execute #1 and #2, it’s time to let her know that she’s indeed captured your attention. So if you’re with your friends, appear distracted from your conversation with them. Appear out of focus with whatever you’re doing and make her feel that nothing matters to you at the moment apart from her.

4.  Flirt With A Smile
So now she gets the message and is responding with her own glances but we need to be really sure that she’s interested so flash her a little smile at this stage. It shouldn’t be a big grin, this will scare her. Just a smile that says “I like you” or “I’m feeling you”. If she returns your smile, it’s game time. This can be a very nervous moment for most guys and it’s understandable because you are not sure whether she’ll respond to your greeting when you go over, or even smile at you. But really, this shouldn’t be such an arduous task, it just needs you practicing a few pointers which we are going to make available to you right here. Approaching girls is something every guy must master because that’s the most important aspect of the dating game. So if you’re green or inexperienced in approaching girls, then sit tight and right to the end.

5. Head Over And Introduce Yourself
You’ve stated your interest and she looks interested too so keep your eye on her and head over. This is the moment you’ve been waiting for so don’t mess it up. Don’t be jittery, don’t appear shy, walk with an upright posture and keep your shoulders firm. Once you near her, offer your hand and introduce yourself. This is basically all you need to start talking to that stranger female you just met. If at any stage of these tips, she doesn’t reciprocate your gesture, you’ll have to abandone everything and look elsewhere.

Touching African story

      A King had a male servant who, in all circumstances always said to him; My king, do not be discouraged because everything God does is perfect, no mistakes.One day, they went hunting and a wild animal attacked the king, the servant managed to kill the animal but couldn't prevent his majesty from losing a finger. Furious and without showing gratitude, the King said; if God was good, I would not have been attacked and lost one finger.The servant replied, 'despite all these things, I can only tell you that God is good and everything He does is perfect, He is never wrong'. Outraged by the response, the king ordered the arrest of his servant. While being taken to prison, he told the king again, God is Good & Perfect. Another day, the king left alone for another hunt and was captured by savages who use human beings for sacrifice.On the altar, the savages found out that the king didn't have one finger in place, he was released because he was considered not"complete" to be offered to the gods. On his return to the palace, he ordered the release of his servant and said; My friend, God was really good to me. I was almost killed but for lack of a single finger, I was let go. But I have a question; If God is so good, why did He allow me to put you in prison? His servant replied; My king, if I had not been put in prison, I would have gone with you, and would have been sacrificed, because I have no missing finger. Everything God does is perfect, He is never wrong. Often we complain about life, and the negative things that happen to us, forgetting that everything happens for a purpose. God knows why you are reading this message today, please bless someone with it by sharing it. God is good and perfect!!

Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect

The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.

Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once

Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.

Never appear too Perfect

Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.

Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop

The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.

Assume Formlessness

By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.

Avoid Stepping into a Great Man’s Shoes

What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.

Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter

Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.

Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others

Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.

Despise the Free Lunch

What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.

Stir up Waters to Catch Fish

Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.

Think as you like but Behave like others

If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

Create Compelling Spectacles

Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.

Disdain Things you cannot have ~ Ignoring them is the best Revenge

By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.

Play to People’s Fantasies

The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.

Master the Art of Timing

Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.

Be Royal in your Own Fashion ~ Act like a King to be treated like one

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew

Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual why an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.

Control the Options ~ Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal

The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.

Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.

Plan All the Way to the End

The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead. Sent from the Laws Of

Enter Action with Boldness

If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.

Secrets formulas to make it in life:::

1: be creative
2: don't sleep all nights
3: manage your time (time frame)
4: draw a plan (smart)
5: have a vision
6: know your mission ( where you are, where you are going & where you want to reach)
7: execute ( manage & control your investments)
We shall discuss further when I find enough interests, people who agree to this 'formula click like, comment and say talk more and we shall elaborate and expand our views...

Concentrate Your Forces

Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats extensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.

Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cult-like Following

People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.

Keep Your Hands Clean

You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.

Re-Create Yourself

Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Play the Perfect Courtier

The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtiership and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.

Simple tips thats works..... thank me later

1- When a girl ignores your message twice, leave her alone. She ain’t blind, she just choose to ignore it. There is no more need sending more messages. Move on to the next girl sharply.

2- When a girl accept your request, seriously typing “thanks for accepting my request” is very lame.. Do it in her inbox if you must . Some of you get ignored when you type that crap on her wall.

3- You don’t need to be a male LovePeddler. Don’t woo every girl on your list. Some are good enough to be just friends with you..

4- Guy, don’t be the thirsty dude on a girl’s post, simply hit the like button and move on. If you need to comment, make it brief and interesting. Don’t go begging her to add you..

5- Bro, if the picture is beautiful like it and give a simple compliment. If it’s not, there is no need lying to get her Attention.. Can’t wait for Facebook to upgrade, where you just press the dislike button. Lol

6- Buddy, when chatting you don’t spend your whole time telling a girl how beautiful she is, hundred of guys have told her how beautiful she is everyday. They find it boring when you join the train.

7- If you find yourself always starting the convo with a Particular person, like you are always the first to message her, please stop it for a while. If she doesn’t notice, you are not important to her.. Leave her alone.

8- If you both don’t roll, don’t tag her to your pix. She might find it offensive.

9- The lesser of you, the better for you. When you are all over her wall, all over her pictures commenting and liking everything, you are less appreciated because you are acting thirsty.

10- When you compliment a girl on her pictures and another person compliments her on the same picture and she thanked the other dude and skip your name, please remove your comment. It wasn’t necessary.

*These are plain psychological tips*

If a girl ignore your messages, refuses to pick your calls, refuses to see you or go on a date with you, rejects your gift or returns them. Guy, it’s high time you hit the road because she ain’t feeling you.