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How to Handle Criticisms That Hurt You and Degrade Your Self-Esteem

Hurtful criticisms are like arrows that pierce us just where we’re most vulnerable. If given by people closest to us, they hurt even deeper and echo at the back of our minds long after they’ve been said. What must we do to handle criticisms that hurt us and degrade our self-esteem?

 

1. Understand that not everything that people say against you is really about you. Oftentimes, it is more about themselves.

If you are familiar with the Bible story about Martha and Mary, you may recall how Martha criticized the action of her sister:

 As they went on their way, he entered into a certain village, and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.  She had a sister called Mary, who also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.  But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she came up to him, and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister left me to serve alone? Ask her therefore to help me.”

Jesus answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things,  but one thing is needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her.”–Luke 10:38-42 (WEB)

It wasn’t because Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus that Martha criticized her. It was because Martha was “anxious and troubled about many things”. Martha was afraid she will not be able to meet the expectations of Jesus and the disciples. Martha was also frustrated that even if she is already exerting so much effort in what she’s doing, nobody notices her efforts, not even Jesus! Maybe if Jesus just showed up where she was working and praised her for all she has done, Martha wouldn’t have asked for her sister’s help at all. She would have been satisfied claiming all the credits for herself! But that’s not the way it happened. She received no praise nor reward, and it was Mary who got the attention of Jesus by sitting and listening at his feet!

Imagine however how Mary must have felt when Martha criticized her infront of Jesus and all the disciples. Imagine hearing these words, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister left me to serve alone? Ask her therefore to help me.”  Martha not only demanded that you help her, you have just been reported to Jesus Himself! If you were Mary, some other words might have also echoed at the back of your mind, words like: how lazy and uncaring a sister you’ve been, how worthless and unreliable you are, or even how unworthy you are to even deserve to be in the presence of Jesus.

The truth stands however, as affirmed by Jesus Himself, that Martha’s criticism of Mary is not a reflection of Mary’s deficiencies, but of Martha’s own problems and concerns.

We don't see things as THEY ARE, we see things as WE ARE. - Anais Nin

 

2. Remember that not all people filter out what they say and really mean what they say.

Not everyone is concerned about what they’re saying or even how they’re saying it. Not all people think first before saying something. As a result, they may say things that hurt other people, things they would later on regret or want to take back.

People are also not always concerned about how they may affect the feelings of other people. They think about themselves most of the time and may rarely have you in their agenda.

As such, remember to not always take things personally. People don’t always intend to cause you harm.

"There is one who speaks rashly like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise heals."- Proverbs 12:18 (WEB)

 

3. Learn to forgive others

No matter how people may try to be careful with the words they’re saying, there would come a time when they’d say things that won’t sound pleasant at all, or even hurting to those around them. Nobody’s perfect, nobody’s able to do the right thing all the time. This is where forgiveness should come in. We should remember our human nature and our flaws, and learn how to move on from there.

I arise from the ashes of doubt, of depression and of
self-pity. I arise a new being -
strong, confident, beautiful and without limits!

 4. Learn to identify what’s true and what is not about what is being said

There are some criticisms that could help us improve ourselves and see our blindspots. Our problem is that many of these criticisms contain other remarks that hurt us or are not always true. And because we are hurt, we try to disregard everything that’s been said. We must learn to identify the things that could help us improve ourselves and leave behind those things which have no basis at all.

I am no less of a person by flaws that you see in me;
I am no lesser for I am not those flaws. I know who I am,
my flaws and my strengths,
and there is no better person who can handle me but me.

 

5. Know that even at your worst day, God still accepts you and loves you as you are

There are some criticisms that hurt us because they contain some semblance of truth about our deficiencies and flaws, things we may be ashamed of or things that we’d rather not reveal for fear of not being accepted and loved.

Know that even at your very worst, God still loves you. His mercy and grace is greater than all your mistakes and deficiencies. His love for you is greater than all the weaknesses you see in yourself.

God does not take us only when we are lovable,
but moreso when we are most in need of love.

 

6. Know that you have the power to change and to be the best of who you are

Some criticisms seem to tell us how weak we are, as though we’re going to be like that forever. Remember that this is not true! Know that nobody needs to be stuck in their past forever. We can all move on and do something to steer our lives around for the better.

Have you seen a seed? Was it at all that attractive to you?
Wait awhile and see that seed grow. See it bear fruit,
see its flowers bloom. See? I've caught you by surprise!
I have just astounded you.

 

7. Know that you can discover and change your self-talk

There are some criticisms that trigger more hurtful thoughts within us, deeper wounds that have not yet been healed. The reason why some people seem to over-react to certain criticisms is because they are reacting to a far deeper pain, a pain triggered by the criticism just given.

We can discover these wounds by listening to our self-talk whenever we are being criticized. When somebody points out your mistake or says anything bad against you, what are you really hearing?

• I’m rejected, no one really loves me as I am.
• I’m worthless, no one appreciates the things I can do.
• I am being forced to do something against my will.
• A lot is being demanded of me whereas I couldn’t ask for enough help when I need it.
• I’m unprotected; anyone can just boss me around because no one is there to defend me.

Why are you hearing those words? Is it possible to replace them with other thoughts that are more supportive of your self-esteem?

• Instead of saying you’re rejected , say, “God loves me and accepts me as I am, even at my worst day, even if I did the gravest sins. His love for me is greater than all my weaknesses. He never rejects anyone who comes to Him.”

• Instead of saying you’re worthless, say, “God values me. Jesus died on the cross just to give me eternal life and happiness. “

God loves me, unconditionally. And for me,
He leaves the 99 sheep behind so He can find me
and make me realize just how much I matter,
just how much I am loved.

• Instead of saying, you are being forced to do something, say, “God has given me freewill. Nobody can force me to do anything against my will.”

• Instead of saying, you couldn’t ask for help, say, “Help will come when I need it. I need not always do things on my own, for God’s help is always there for the taking. I only need to receive by faith what is being given me.”

Heaven is knowing deep in your soul how you were
conceived and how you were bathed in loved. It is tapping
unto the endless reserve of mercy and grace when shadows
come looming over you. It is knowing that however great
the challenges ahead seem to be,
there is a Higher Power that will see you through.

• Instead of saying you’re unprotected, say, “God is making me stronger everyday to face the challenges coming my way. Where I am not strong enough, God will be my Defender against all those who want to cause me harm.”

There was a time when I couldn't forgive myself,
that time when the burden of guilt was multiplied a hundred
times more by the world that knew nothing but condemn
those who are already down. But now is not that time,
for it has long come to pass. Now is the time of acceptance,
of love, and of believing in myself despite whatever
accusations others may try to pass against me.

HEAL YOUR SELF ESTEEM

To say that our self-esteem is low is to compare it to something higher.  But to be able to attain that higher degree could only mean that there is still something beyond that.  How high is high enough?  How much increase is really necessary?  In truth, it is not an increase in self esteem that we should aim for, but a complete healing of our wounded sense of self worth.

You Need To Rebuild From The Ground Up

Before we could attain true healing, we must first recognize our wounds. Before we could rebuild our sense of worth, we must first acknowledge how broken it really is.

Where is your self esteem founded? How firm is that foundation from which it is currently built?

Are you confident because you are beautiful? But what if you mingle among others who are more beautiful than you?  And for how long will you stay that way?  What happens when you grow old and that beauty fades?

Are you secure with your success? What if the business or the reputation you’ve built suddenly falls?  What are you worth by then?  For how long could you hold on to your riches?  Can you still enjoy any of it as your body rots in the grave?

All our efforts of increasing our self esteem is futile for in the end, all such efforts lead only to fear, the fear of losing everything we have ever gained.

There Is a Different Way to Heal

The healing of our wounds can no longer depend on the external actions we take such as working harder, eating healthier, or studying longer hours.  The only way to healing is to be healed from within because our wounds are not wounds of the body, but of the soul.

Deep in one’s soul, we feel a great emptiness and uncertainty.  We feel compelled to measure up to the standards of other people while at the same time, not being able to measure up to our own sense of wholeness.

We try to be strong, yet it seems we could never be strong enough.  We even try to be good, but we could never be holy enough.  We are always followed by our sense of shame, and so we hide ourselves with masks of perfection and of beauty.   Beyond that mask however, we feel inadequate, and we feel tired of trying over and over again.

How We Could Achieve Healing

Healing begins when we STOP our frantic efforts to keep up with others.  Healing begins when we are able to face our worst pictures of ourselves and still believe that we are worth something.

What are you worth?

You are worth more than you ever thought yourself to be.  You are worth more than your body or your intelligence or your strength.  You are worth more than your success and your riches.  These things are given you but they are not the essence of who you are.

Your real worth is your likeness to God Himself. It is that spark which came from ancient times, that breath which made you think and move and love.

Because you can be a vessel of God’s joy, you are worth something.  Because you can be an object of His love, you are worth so much more than all the stars combined.

Your worth is not in what you possess, but in Him who possesses you.

Your worth is not in how you can cover up your imperfections, but in how God can make you perfect by receiving all that He could ever give to you.

Only in losing everything can you realize how broken you are.  Only in being broken can you be healed by knowing how valuable you are to the only One who can heal you.

Below are common areas of our self esteem’s woundedness.  Let us try to find their healing by bringing them to the light of God’s love for us.

Common Areas of Our Woundedness

1. Beauty

Even the most beautiful among us will grow old someday.  The beauty that we envy now is but a fleeting joy.  Others are not more worthy to be loved just because they are beautiful.  We become beautiful because of God’s great love for us.

2. Intelligence

Our intellect, no matter how advanced it may be is nothing as compared with the minds of angels.  And angels, no matter how great their wisdom may be is nothing as compared to the depths of God’s wisdom.  God can grant us an insight we could never find in all the books of the world, but this is not the reason why we should feel more worthy or less worthy in His Presence.

3. Strength

We have but a limited time on earth. The healthiest and the strongest among us cannot even live for two centuries.  To base our worth with our physical strength is to look down on people just because they are disabled or sick or dying.  Every man has God’s dignity in him no matter his physical strength.

4. Wealth/Success

The material things we own will someday rot and decay.  Nothing can last forever except God’s love.  Wealth does not indicate that one man is better than the other for we know not where such wealth has come from.  One man may be silently accomplishing God’s will in His life and reaping eternal fruits that have not yet been revealed in the current time.

5. Social Skills

Other people may be better at mingling in social events and in communicating with other people.  They appear attractive, they attract the admiration of many.  But not everyone who is praised is really good.  Many are even criticized for standing up for the truth.   There are people who are not adept at socializing with other men, but in their silent prayers, they can reach God’s Presence, and in this, they can find their joy.

6. Talent

What is talent?  It is but a gift from God, and for this, no one should boast.  Each one is given a unique gift for in truth, we are God’s wonderful gift to each other.  Let each one mind his own and improve the gift he is given.

7. Goodness/ Holiness

Only God is good.  No person is really holy no matter how good he or she appears to be.  If we had no need to be saved from ourselves, Jesus wouldn’t have died for us all.  Let none boast therefore that he is kinder or braver or more patient.  We do not earn God’s love with our goodness.  We become good because God has guided us patiently towards the path of His goodness.  All that we can offer God is our gratitude for all the MERCY that we have been given.

TYPES OF PERSONALITIES

●  TYPE A PERSONALITY
Type A people are seen as more competitive, great achievers and tend to develop a high sense of urgency towards their work. It is because of these traits that they are always busy and remain at the top of their game.

Sometimes, however, they start feeling insecure and subsequently become adamant and resistant to change. They even end up fighting such circumstances rather than embracing or adapting to them.

In order to stride towards the desired goal, they work hard towards achievements and that too, as fast as possible. In doing so, they fight their insecurities rather than ignoring them completely.

Type A people do not relax or take their work for granted; even if they do, they tend to feel guilty for the same.

Type A personalities are over achievers and they deal with various unrelated subjects and perform well in everything.

The problem that these personalities face is that they are stressed frequently due to the number of tasks they undertake. Their expectations of perfection from other people also add to the stress.

These people are highly competitive and possess an aggressive challenging spirit.

Such people are generally ideal for sports, finance and any job that offers ample growth and requires focused efforts. They aren't really cut out for teamwork; they perform best alone.

CHARACTERISTICS OF TYPE 'A' PERSONALITY

Time or Time Urgency
• This is an extremely important part of a Type A personality because their work and activities completely depend on time.
• They hate being late under any circumstances. Traffic signals or any sort of queue irritates them and they consider it a waste of time. Interrupting people is a common trait too.
• They set deadlines and standards for themselves that they need to meet before moving forward.
• They work hard towards achieving any goal put in front of them and will not be told what to do.

Emotions or Free Floating Hostility
• Showing impatience, being rude and aggressive at people are some of the most obvious features.
• Getting upset over small matters and showing anger over trivial matters is also seen.
• Adapting to change is not one of their strongest points. Also, if they are upset or dislike the place or company they are with, the dislike would be clearly visible on their face.

Money
• Money doesn't buy happiness - but in the case of a Type A person, it does. For them, money buys everything including relationships.
• Money signifies power and security and this is how they would like to show it.
• They also make mental notes of everything that is money related - such as on what to spend, how to spend and on how much to spend!

Relationships
Type A people always have a superficial relationship with most others. Work is most important to them. If that is done, then there is no need to interact or be nice to others!
• They have high expectations and demands from most people and thus never seem to get along with them.
• Superiority complex is what makes them stand apart from the rest. They never enjoy any body's company because of this and are always seen shying away from a big crowd and society as such.

Physical Characteristics
Tight lips, clenched jaws and obvious facial tension.
Grinding of teeth and clicking of the tongue
Dark circles under the eyes due to lack of sleep (probably due to stress!)
Sweating on the forehead and upper lip.

Consequences Of Type A Personalities
• Heart diseases
• Hypertension
• Job Stress
• Social Isolation

●   TYPE B PERSONALITY

This type of personality is considered to be just opposite to that of type A.

Though they are not as competitive as type A, type B personalities can be better achievers and do not get stressed easily.

They tend to approach problems with a more relaxed and laid back point of view.

There is a tendency in these personalities to delay work and give results at the eleventh hour. Obviously, procrastination is quite the mantra for type B people while that is one thing that type A subjects cannot even think of.

These personalities are not in a hurry to finish work and do not have a sense of urgency all the time. They work at their own sweet pace and deliver appreciable results too.

Type B people like relaxing and they don't mind taking time off from work to sit idle and/or daydream.

Such people are ideal for marketing, sales and any job that comes with targets and semi-flexible deadlines and involves people interaction.

CHARACTERISTICS OF TYPE 'B PERSONALITY

Stress Handling
The Type B people usually do not get stressed easily even under acute circumstances. They are the happy-go-lucky individuals who do not entertain stress and anxiety while doing their tasks. However, they still prove to be fairly productive. They remain carefree and cheerful most of the times and are fun to hang around with.

Lack Of Urgency
These people do not mind waiting in queues for getting their work done and do not get hyper if it takes too much time. They do not feel any sort of compulsion to meet deadlines. They have got no problems relaxing or sitting without doing anything unlike Type A individuals, who end up feeling guilty if they sat without doing anything constructive. At times, Type B individuals may delay their work to the last moment due to lack of sense of time urgency.

Relaxed
These are the people who remain calm and relaxed most of the times. They believe in taking their time to stop and smell the roses instead of running the mad rat race. They take time to think and ponder before acting. Relaxation, enjoyment and fun come very naturally to them.

Less Competitive
Type B personalities are less competitive and their competitiveness is often productive with good intentions. They generally take their failures with a grain of salt and slough it off as merely an unpleasant experience. On the other hand, Type A individuals who are generally over-achievers, find it very hard to accept failures and end up developing low self-esteem.

Patient
Patience is a virtue and Type Bs are born with it. They remain calm and patient even under stressful situations and have a lot of self-control. They are less likely to get frantic about things and generally swear by the old adage of 'Slow and steady wins the race'. They are also very tolerant and flexible and can change in order to adapt to changes. You would hardly find them complaining or lamenting about anything.

Non-aggressive
These individuals rarely tend to be aggressive or frustrated. Even if there's something against their will, they are not prone to lose their temper. They are more likely to handle the situation very subtly and patiently, without getting irked. They are hence said to have lesser chances of getting any heart diseases or complications caused due to stress.

Socializing And Enjoying
Type B personalities are normally laid back people who hold a relaxed, creative, imaginative, artistic and friendly approach towards life. They spend their free time in leisure activities like socializing, shopping or having a good time. Due to their cheerful nature, these folks are surrounded by friends and lead a good social life.

Emotional Bonding
Their heart rules their head and hence they are very emotional and sensitive. They like expressing their feelings and are generally not indifferent towards others.

●   TYPE 'C' PERSONALITY

People who belong to this category are more interested to know the minute details of everything and don't mind spending time trying to figure them out.

These types of people are more suitable for technical jobs.

They know very well to control their emotions and desire even in cases of extreme discomfort and that makes them ideal for teamwork.

The problem with this type is mostly lack of confidence that leads to stress and even depression. Type C personalities are more prone to depression than the other types.

The people who belong to these personality traits are thoughtful and deep thinkers and seek answers for the questions as to what, why and how.

They are more patient but find trouble expressing their emotions openly and hence, tend to be introverts.

They have an inherent ability to please people around them.

Type C personalities are prone to diseases such as asthma, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.

They are best suited for technical and back end jobs that require high caliber without much interaction.

●   TYPE 'D' PERSONALITY

The 'D' in the type D personality stands for distressed as such people tend to develop a pessimistic and negative outlook towards life.

They fear rejection which is the reason why they tend to deflect social life despite their interest to be among people.

They are sensitive and even a small event that the type B's won't even notice, can trigger a typical type D day.

They can easily suppress their emotions and are very vulnerable and easily depressed.

People with Type D traits are characterized as irritable, gloomy and worrisome. They do not share their emotions with others and this tendency increases their depressing attitude towards life.

They are not very adventurous and prefer the same routine; they are resistant to change and are not very adjustable with people and circumstances.

Such people often suffer from heart related problems and stress and are susceptible to coronary diseases.

These people are generally seen as boring and have very limited social life. 

OVERCOME PUBLIC SPEAKING ANXIETY

Erase The Preconceived Notions
People typically associate the task of public speaking with stress! This is absolutely untrue! Public speaking is only stressful if you allow it to be! Ironically, if you shake off this incorrect belief, public speaking can be a very enjoyable and invigorating experience for you. Try to dig out the hidden cause for your fear, diagnose it and say hello to a new fun hobby! Knock off the fear of public humiliation! You're overreacting! It's purely psychological. Stage fright can be curbed with a smooth build up of self-confidence. The best way to start that process is by facing reality and accepting that public speaking is not as difficult as you once thought!

Capitalize On Three Good Points
Stumble upon three relevant points and you're ready to nail it. In other words, you have good potential to set the stage on fire! Maintain a calm and composed demeanor! You don't have to be the funniest or smartest orator on the planet to receive a round of applause. Even if you make a couple of mistakes, skip a few important portions of your speech and pause for a minute, you haven't necessarily failed! Stop focusing so much on your performance, it's the value of the content effused that matters most. As long as audiences have something valuable to take back home (or with a smile on their faces), you will be remembered positively. Bear in mind that heaps of inconsequential facts does not augment your orator status. Stick to two or three clever points and render your speech interesting and genuine. Stress on one key point if you strongly believe in it. Diminish the number of quick notes and let words flow straight from the heart to the tip of your tongue!
Avoid silly complexities for you will end up boring the crowd.

Prepare But Don't Over-Prepare
Preparation is essential. More importantly, prepare well in advance and not overnight for anxiety will double and the outcome will be messy. Practice does indeed make a man perfect but never overdo it. A speech turns superficial when planned too far ahead. It should be natural! In fact, the more effort you put into it, the worse might be your performance. So, don't over-prepare! Relax and take a deep breath! Just rehearse once and revise the key points along with a few good examples. Memorizing a speech verbatim only ruins the authenticity of a speech and implies that you don't have a firm grasp over the subject. Try not to script the speech! Gain self confidence and you will soon begin to respect the natural public speaker hidden deep down inside of you.

Select A Topic That Interests You
It will make all the difference if you chose a topic that you feel strongly passionate about! You will feel excited to research the topic and make the overall speech as interesting as possible. As you immerse your heart into it, you will notice your phobia slip away. Even when you have no choice but to resort to a lackluster topic, you could make alterations to the technique or approach of speech making. For example, make a colorful PowerPoint presentation or screen a funny video! The surging enthusiasm will tranquilize the goosebumps.

Be Humble, If Not Humorous
While adding a glint of humor to your speech would earn you brownie points, it's not mandatory. It is important to discover your style of speaking and work on improving that. However, it is important to maintain a fine sense of humility throughout your speech. When you stand up in front of the masses, share some of your weaknesses and frailties. This highlights your image as a credible, respectable and lovable speaker. Audiences will be able to connect with you and respect your honesty. If at all, humility isn't your style, don't feign it! The pretense of acting humble is easily detectable and this will trample your image in no time! You could hence make up for it by capitalizing on your good sense of humor! After all, who doesn't enjoy a good hearty laugh! Start with a joke or narrate a bunch of anecdotes, just don't digress from the actual topic.

Don't Let Hecklers Get To You!
Hecklers are all over the place and most of the time, they do a pretty good job at tormenting speech makers! However, it is in your best interest that you master the art of turning a deaf ear to such obstacles or counter-attack their witty statements with a wittier one. This most definitely helps you overcome all fears. But if you are still battling with glossophobia, then you should try your best and ignore those silly sadists or respond with an "I really appreciate your comment".

Visualize Success
Elite athletes rely on the technique of visualization to enhance their athletic performance. Every time you rehearse your speech, visualize your audience being amazed by your oratory skills! It is best to believe in yourself and that you are conveying solution for a very strong ground-breaking problem. Hence, your audiences ought to be impressed. Hear the cacophony of thousand claps and "wows" every time you emphasize on the last sentence of your speech! Boost your confidence!

NERVES: CALM IT DOWN WITH THESE SIMPLE TIPS

Every time you feel your nerves are about to mess it all up, just stop thinking at that very moment and concentrate solely on breathing. Inhale deep breaths and exhale even slowly. Feel the nerves calm down inside you! The good old way of counting to ten; old because it has been used since ages and good because, obviously it works wonders. Whenever you feel the nervous energy building up inside you, just count to ten and watch it give way to loving calmness.

Ever heard of laughter yoga? It combines intentionally induced laughter (genuine laughter) and yogic breathing into one fun activity from where there's no getting out. No better way to release the tension. Meditating in the name of whoever you believe in is a good way of bringing in positivity, giving the hopped up nerves a much-needed break. You can also recite your favorite verses from the scripture that infuses you with a mental boost.

For a change, try wearing a smile on your face instead of a frown. You'll not only see but feel the change around you and eventually inside you. Keep yourself in the vicinity of cute little smile inducing one liners or figures. Grab a pen, grab a diary, grab hold of your thoughts, and now pour them all out. It's the best way of releasing the built up emotions, thus releasing the nervousness that had held you captive to your own self.

Change your environment every now and then by shifting out of everything that's been creating a chaos inside your mind and moving to a serene environment where you can put your thoughts to rest and can rejuvenate your tensed up senses. Use positive affirmations. It's a wonderful little way of inducing positivity into your system by reciting short little positive statements about your strengths and aspirations. By doing so, you'll eventually start to visualize yourself in positive situations devoid of any negative nerves.

Include fresh vegetables, fruits, and drinks into your diet instead of packaged food and unhealthy aerated drinks or caffeine-laded drinks. Regular indulgence in recreation activities like exercising, walking, jogging, swimming, or cycling will definitely open the exit route for your nerves. Most importantly, let go off that �trying to be in control� kind of attitude and take things the way they come. Life's all about the journey and not about the destination. Enjoy the panoramic view till you reach your destination

THE GIFT OF WHO YOU ARE!

     We sometimes have a tendency to forget ourselves and to set aside our needs in order to care for other people. This is not bad! But we must remember that the most important gift we could ever give to the world is to be the best of who we are.
It’s our very presence that should stir joy and inspiration in their hearts, not merely the things that we do.

     Think about our relationship with God. God gives us many things – food to eat, clothes to wear, friends to talk to, activities to enjoy, dreams to achieve, missions to accomplish. But though these things be good and many, not one of them could ever compare to the Giver of them all. Even if we could have His gifts, our happiness wouldn’t be complete without His Very Presence, the Gift of Himself.

     We don’t seek God in order to have the world, we seek God because if we have Him, we wouldn’t need anything more!
To Look Using God's Own Eyes I pray I could learn to look at people, the way God sees each one of us - to be able to forego the little mistakes, maybe even the big ones to be able to see weaknesses turned into strength to know something’s hurting and yet know that the hurt would be healed in time to look beyond judgment to see with an understanding heart to see what’s beautiful to appreciate what’s good to not measure anybody’s destiny with their present plight but to see real hope for everyone the way God sees us
To know that orphans have their Father
To know that those imprisoned have One who will set them free
To see how the poor will one day bask in God’s abundance
To see the broken-hearted in days when God Himself will cradle them upon His lap
To be able to see with God’s own eyes is to see with gladness, with hope, and with a love so strong it could never ever fail!

I urge you to know who you really are; in your eyes, in your heart.
Know thyself, especially your strengths.
Know that which is beautiful.
Know that which is loveable.
Know that which has made you the unique and wonderful person that you are!

CONCENTRATION

Pick a valid subject of concentration. If there is no passion or plausible motivation, then your task of concentrating is going to be one hell of a challenge! Remember how you used to do the laundry or mow the lawn so half heartedly and the outcome was a disaster? Analogously, you cannot ace your mathematics test if you resent it and hence if you fail to concentrate, you will also fail the test!

The Five More Rule is a technique that has certainly helped many individuals who invariably fall short of concentration. You set a target to finish a fixed amount of work or studying. However, ten minutes later, you are already tempted to step out for a smoke or check the football game score.

Block all lures and enticements to immerse your heart and mind into achieving your goals. Solve five more math problems or dedicate five more minutes to a chapter of history, or else face guilt when you indulge in play. To your delight, five minutes is all it takes to engross you to such an extent that you forfeit your break! Stretch your attention span and build mental endurance!

If you are convinced you have the world's lowest attention span, here's an interesting exercise. Walk into a movie theater and catch up on a random gripping action or drama film. Thirty minutes into the movie, shift your gaze from the screen and look around. What do you see? Probably a hundred riveted faces. If you stare long enough, you will notice how rarely they blink. Only a false alarm of a fire breakout could distract them! Observe the audiences and learn the art of concentration as they stay still scene after scene.

To encourage your strong desire to maintain concentration, eliminate stumbling blocks such as multi-tasking, blaring radios or TV sets and flashing multi-colored lights. No doubt that our human nervous system is fantastic beyond words. However, we should not expect too much from it! Hence, stick to one task at a time! It will be greatly challenging to assimilate intense facts on quantum physics while catching the latest episode of �The Simpsons', munching on a packet of crunchy chips and getting a foot massage! Build strong concentration abilities as you exercise all of your brain power in solely one task!

Mediation might help you gather your thoughts methodically. Watch your breathing; calm it down along with your brain. Soon enough you will automatically shift to an alternative state of mind which is peaceful and creatively receptive.

Set aside multi-tasking, multi-thinking can do equal damage! Channel your thoughts in one direction. If you have promised to study for an hour, try not to think of �Oh what could Marsha be doing right now� or �Is he cheating on me?� or �What do I eat for dinner!� Focus on the present! Life is a ticking time bomb and if you don't handle the undertakings purposefully, your future will explode in your face. Take breaks, get some air and calm down.
• Don't let the nerves get on to you.
• Concentration and energy co-exist in your conscious or subconscious mind.
• Don't be a scatter brain.
• Just maintain a calm demeanor while concentrating completely in meeting your      targets.

Defeat every lurking urge to procrastinate your responsibilities. Yes, preparing for an exam or finishing all your corporate deadlines might not be a bed of roses. Wake up! Life is difficult. And if you procrastinate, you will only be rewarded with an endless list of regrets. You might wonder- �How can I resist the Oprah Winfrey show tonight!' What if it doesn't repeat? News Flash - This second or minute or hour of your life is never going to return and if you make the most of it, you might be sitting on Oprah Winfrey's couch one day!

It's amazing how our brains operate in such bedazzling ways. For instance, we drive down the road while talking or fiddling with radio or engaging in soliloquies. It's dangerous but most of us do it. How do we handle all the 101 thoughts and distraction from impeding our concentration abilities? Try cupping your hands around your eyes to block sight of everything unrelated to your current priority. Referred to as tunnel visio

ARGUMENT IS BAD; WAYS NOT TO ARGUE

Enhance your listening skills. It will make you less defensive and allow you to analyze the statement of other person deeply. You should listen to the other person with patience and give a logical approach to the same. Let the other person complete what he/she wants to say. Once he/she is done, give your feedback. This would allow both of you to lay forward your view point. However, make sure that whatever is said is logical and pertains to the present situation.

Never think that you are always right. If people have been correcting you time and again, know that there is some problem which lies inside you. Accept that you have a problem of arguing on small issues and work on it to exclude the same from your behavior. Accepting your weakness will strengthen your relationship. Also, ask them to help you come out of the problem.

Inculcate understanding in yourself. Instead of thinking about your own issues, try to understand the other person's views, feelings, state of mind, etc. This will help you to talk calmly and make the relationship a strong one. After understanding the other person, your approach will not be illogical or defensive. The feedback will be based on the feelings of both the people and not only yours.

Introspect yourself and increase your self control power. Also, be aware of the place and people around before heading towards an argument. A couple must never involve in the argument in front of their children. It may have a bad impact on them. Respect each other to share great relationship. Similarly, indulging in a heated argument in a public place such as a mall or cinema hall would make people think of you as uncivilized.

Be positive in your thinking. It will exclude negativity from inside and you will have a healthy approach towards any issue. If you have positive nature, you will never get involved in any kind of argument.

Do not make excuses and be truthful. Improve yourself rather than giving explanation all the time.

REQUIREMENTS TOWARDS DEVELOPMENT OF PERSONALITY

The following are the major requirements towards the development of personality

♤ Kindness
♤ Cleanliness of Both mind and body
♤ Unselfishness
♤ Good Disposition
♤ Obedience to Ideals and Principles
♤ Honesty in all Things
♤ Truthfulness
♤ Loyalty
♤ Good Health

OVERCOME WORRY, BE HAPPY AND GROW STRONG

Analyze worry

▪Get all the facts.
▪Weigh all the fats-then come to a decision.
▪Once a decision is reached, act.
》》Write the answers of the following questions.
        a) What is the problem?
        b) What are the causes of the problem?
        c) What are the possible solutions?

Overcome worry

▪Live in day-tight compartments.
》》Face the trouble the following ways.
       a) Ask yourself what is the worst that can possibly happen?
       b) Prepare mentally to accept the worst.
       c) Try to improve on the worst.
▪Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.
▪Apply the law of averages in your favour.
▪Break the worry habit Keep busy.
▪Don't fuss about trifles.
▪Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries.
▪Co-operate with the inevitable.
▪Decide just how much anxiety a thing Don't worry about the past.

Ways to Peace and Happiness

▪Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, hope and prayer.
▪Never try to get even with your enemies.
▪Expect ingratitude.
▪Count your blessings-not your troubles.
▪Do not imitate others.
▪Try to profit from your losses.
▪Create happiness for others.

Ways to face criticism and grow strong

▪Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.
▪Do the very best you can.
▪Analyze your own mistakes and criticize yourself.
▪Learn to relax at your work.
》》Apply the following four good working habits.
       a) Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate
            problem at hand.
       b) Do things in order of their importance.

MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

♡ Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

♡ Give honest, sincere appreciation.

♡ Arouse in the other person an eager want.

♡ Become genuinely interested in other people.

♡ Smile.

♡ Remember that a man’s name is to him the most important sound in any language.

♡ Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves.

♡ Talk in terms of the other mans interest.

♡ Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely

MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOUR WAY

** Show respect for the others persons opinions.

** Never tell a man he is wrong.

** The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

** If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically.

** Begin in a friendly way.

** Get the other person saying Yes, yes immediately.

** Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

** Let the other person feel that the idea is his.

** Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

** Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

** Appeal to nobler motives.

** Dramatize your ideas.

** Throw down a challenge

HOW TO BRING PEOPLE AROUND YOU

》Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
》Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.
》Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
》Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
》Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Let the other man save his face.
》Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
》Use encouragement.
》Make the fault seem easy to correct.
》Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF

Accept Your Personality

Your life has not ended yet. You still have plenty of years to live. Hence, it's never too late to improve or develop yourself throughout your life. However, it is best if you accept yourself for whom you are. Be happy and celebrate your unique qualities and characteristics. After all, you are a unique individual created from God's own hands.

Be Happy With Your Body Size

Both men and women are often too conscious about their physical appearance, especially when they see a well-toned and figured person crossing their way. In case of women, some feel that their breasts are just too small, while there are others who feel they have heavy butt. Men, on the other hand, feel inferior to those who are well built or have a great muscular body. For all such gentlemen and ladies, remember that we are not produced from a single factory. Each one of us is different; hence, it is better if you accept, or rather love, your physical appearance.

Built Confidence

No person is born with natural confidence. It is the upbringing and your surroundings that help you develop poise and self-confidence. Children who are taught to become self independent from an early age have greater level of confidence than those who look up to their parents for every knick and knack. Start revealing a positive attitude and a feeling of self assurance and see how confidence comes natural to you in no time.

Find Out Your Good Qualities And Achievements

Looking out for some good qualities in yourself? Were you not able to find any? Does that make you hate yourself further? Why? Aren't you a homosapien? Just like every person has some negative attributes, so does he have positive characteristics as well. It is good to criticize your self but then do not be over critical. Accept your flaws and try to come over them. As for your positives, just keep on bettering them and who knows you might be able to love yourself all the more.

Stop Regretting On Your Mistakes

So, you have committed a mistake? So what? It's just a mistake. No one is going to beat or punish you to death. Making mistakes is natural to any human being. So stop beating or cursing yourself over and over again. Instead, sit down and analyze your mistakes. Take positive lessons from them and find out what different you can do next time to avoid these stupid and silly errors. Forget the past and plan the future.

Don't Let Others Dominate You

Sad but true, often people treat you like a doormat simply because you allow them to do so. It's your life and no one has the right to control or rule it, except you. So stop being too kind and generous when a friend constantly borrows money from you with no promises of repaying it back. Stand up and dump that guy who calls and looks up to you only for sex and nothing else. Remember, do not let anyone treat you badly because you deserve better than being only used or criticized.

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT

Every man who wants to develop his personality also wants to become popular. Man's life is a burden without popularity. If we leave aside certain action, there is not much difference between a man and an animal. Everybody can be popular if he/you takes care of these few things enlisted personality development tips-

1. If you want to progress in life than honestly analyze the traits of your character.

2. Do not laugh at people when they are in difficulty or trouble other wise you will loose your personality in a moment.

3. This is a great way to develop your personality by listening everyone politely, even if their ideas are baseless or not of your interest.

4. During conversation do not keep talking yourself too much.

5. When ever somebody brings any gift for you, don't forget to praise it. It does not matter even if you were expecting something else.

6. Make other feel that you love them.

7. Keep your moral high in case of defeat and be more polite on being victorious.

8. Solve your problems in a creative way. Try your best not to let these spoil your relations with your friends.

9. Enlist your bad habits and try to get rid of them.

10. We should not uplift our standard of living but also help others to do so. Try to remove the feeling of inferiority in others by loving them and by keeping good behavior towards them.

11. Be careful of what your say about others because others will say the same thing about us at different times and at different places and in this way form a public opinion about us.

12. Some people often have a favorite sentence which they repeat frequently. We should try and get rid and get rid of such a habit.

13. Independence increases our good qualities and slavery bad qualities.

14. Independent thinking and freedom to work is the only source of progress and welfare.

15. Love is the greatest magic in this world.

16. Positive attitude is of great importance in our personality. No body like people who have narrowed out look. In life only that person is considered well behaved who has positive and healthy bend of mind.

17. The real beauty of man lies not in his physical appearance but in his work and good qualities. That is why it is important that we improve mental outlook to develop our personality.

18. Every individual should develop the ability to adjust with others, because basically man is a social animal, so one can not survive by living alone.

19. Some people keep repeating a particular statement and it becomes a part of their nature. At the most you may repeat a statement twice but it you do it more than that it leaves a bad impact

SELF IMPROVEMENT IDEAS

•  Meditation gives you that inner peace like nothing else can. Initially, it is a little hard to concentrate and there will be plenty of distractions. Let these distractions be a part of the learning process. After some time, you will notice that all negativity will be removed and you become happier.

•  Sleep gives you a sense of calm and freshness when you wake up. But, try a reverse approach. Wake up about 30minutes earlier than normal and see how many more things you can do. Extra time gives you that extra edge to better yourself.

•   It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown! So you know what you should be doing. Smiles make such a big difference, and when someone around you is happy, it sends out positive vibes. Accept compliments with a smile and thank people for them. Be kind to yourself and everyone will do the same.

•   Principles are important in a school, college, at work and at home. They are equally important in you. Principles must be set in a realistic way. It can be as simple as not wasting food or as complex as saving paper. Rules are not meant to be broken. So if you keep your principles on, you've obviously becoming a better person.

•  Have complaints about everything? Stop this. It is an extremely irritating habit. Stay around people who don't give you a chance to give in to complaints, distract yourself and send out good signals which will increase your people power.

•   Find a mentor or a role model who you'd like to be like. You don't have to become this person mentally and physically, you could implement their way of life into yours. Setting goals is what differentiates a person with good behavioral and mental skills compared to one that has no aim in life.

•   Remove unwanted people and things from your life. You are better without them. Go to your room, remove all unwanted letters, posters and make more space for new things. If someone has been bothering you, cut him/her from your life for a while. Lay low till you think you can deal with them.

•   It's about how you feel. Now, you will have a clear and creative mind for the new things to come. Television is for the utterly bored! It is junk for the mind and body. If you feel like you need entertainment desperately, then watch something educative for about 30 minutes or so but don't drown in the idiot box.

DEVELOP YOUR PERSONALITY

Each person is unique:

Remember that each individual is different and has his or her unique characteristics and qualities. Comparing yourself with others around only increases the distress, especially when you start focusing on where you are lacking compared to others. It is important that you channelize your energy towards your positive traits.

Do not get swayed by media portrayals:

Media portrays people in its own idiosyncratic ways. It does not mean what or how you should be. Personality matters, not looks alone: It is not just looks that are important and that define who you are. Personality defines who you are and how you respond in various situations. It is essential to focus on the personality, which matters the most. Learn social skills: Just looking good will never be sufficient to take you forward in life or help you in your relationships with people. Instead, hone your social skills. The more success one has in social spheres of life, the better you would feel about yourself.

Have a healthy lifestyle:

Life is a balancing act. Learning to balance different aspects of life is integral to a wholesome life. Have a good, balanced diet and exercise. Do not avoid social interactions: Just because you feel you aren't good-looking, do not avoid meeting people. The more you shun social interaction, the worse you would feel about yourself. Know your positives: If every individual has his or her limitations, then he or she also has positives. These positive are what you need to concentrate on. Know your strengths. Acknowledge them and work with them.

Get healthy peer support:

Peers are an important part of your support system. Having peers who are supportive can contribute to our understanding of situations, giving alternative perspectives. Talk to parents and friends: The difficulties you might face in evaluating yourself in a positive light can be taken care of by talking to family and friends.

Develop media literacy skills:

Learn to see messages in the media in a dispassionate manner. Try and develop this skill so that you are able to integrate what the media shows in a realistic manner. Everyone has their notion of how people should look and dress, etc... All these diverse perceptions can lead individuals to believe that they need to be a particular way, and if not, then it implies something negative about them. This can frequently affect one's moods and behaviour.

Know Yourself:

The first step on your quest to develop your personality is to know yourself. It is very important to know yourself in order to figure out what needs to be done to modify your existing personality. Knowing yourself is not about knowing your favorite color, food and etc. It is about knowing your limitations and plus points. You must be aware of your abilities so that you can use them when the time comes. You need to analyze yourself and find out what is it that you lacking in. Are you short tempered or do you panic easily or is that you can't speak in a group. Find out and then accordingly we can work on your personality.

Comparison:

You need to accept one thing that you cannot be best at everything. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. You are different from others; you have your own set of talents and abilities. Just because there is someone around who is great at a think you are not good at does not mean he is better than you. There will be things that he cannot do but you can. No one is perfect in this world. So never compare yourself to others. It does more harm than good. Love yourself and you will definitely achieve a better personality.

Courteous:

Personality as I said is not just about how you look. It is how you present yourself. It is how you impress others. An expressionless and monotonous tone will get you nowhere. You need to have an attitude that is pleasing so that you are welcomed wherever you go. Be courteous and humble. Greet your juniors with a smile and reply back to their greetings. At times have lunch together or offer your lunch to them. Be available for your people and you will become dependable for them. This is a remarkable trait for your personality. Mannerism weighs a lot in the professional world.

Body Language:

Having a personality takes into account everything. Not just the way you dress up and talk but also your body language. How you walk, sit, eat, how you behave when others are talking etc make a huge impact on others. Your body language is therefore a very important is very aspect of your personality. Have a relaxed posture. Walk upright do not droop or be extra rigid. When others in a group are talking have a relaxed tone. Do not get involved with the surroundings but pay attention to the speaker. If he is talking to you have a calm eye contact and not staring or distracted. Have a good body language that shows that you are confident.

Physique:

The easiest way to achieve a good personality is to have a good physique. It cannot be denied that a good physique is very important. It is a very important part of your personality. Your physique not only sets an impression but it speaks a lot about you. A good physique says that you are a well planned person. You think about yourself and about your health. It also gives a perception that you are away from bad habits and company. It really says a lot about you. So start exercising and stay fit to develop your personality.

Speech:

A very vital part of any personality development program is to help you speak better. By speaking better I do not mean using big words and giving speeches. The words you use are very important. Have a decent and simple manner of speaking. Use a language that is understood by all. Now a day's English has the top priority. If you do not have grips over this language enroll yourself with some coaching class. When you speak in a group see to it that your words are not offending or agitating. When to speak is more important than what to speak. So take care of your speech as much as you can.

Appreciate:

A great personality knows how to impress and make an impact. In the professional world where you work or stay in a group; to be accepted by others is very important. All the pain of building a personality is to be accepted so that we can move on and work in a better way. Develop a habit of appreciating your mates no matter how small the work is. Although take care that you are not being fake. Appreciating others makes you a very friendly person. You also motivate your mates and that makes you a better employee as well. Thus a simple habit of appreciating helps you develop your personality by making you a little selfless.

Attire:

Yes personality is not all about dressing up but the way you dress does have an impact on your personality. So even if not the most important you attire is definitely one of the most important aspect of your personality. Dress up in a decent manner. Be professional and avoid flashy colors. Avoid unnecessary piercing on your body or tattoos. Wear neatly ironed and unstained clothes. Look pro essional or according to the environment of your working place. It is very important to develop your personality to have a great sense of dressing.

Confidence:

I will definitely say that this is the most important thing to be achieved to obtain a better personality. You have to be confident with whatever you do. Your confidence says that you know about your work and you are well aware of your abilities. If you shy of speaking in public then you have to start speaking as having confidence is very important. Believe in yourself and to help you build confidence read success stories of other people. Have motivational slogans and pictures on your board etc to help you boot your confidence.